Saturday, August 25, 2012
Hooliganting: Pondering 40
Hooliganting: Pondering 40: Although I really would prefer not to, the simple fact remains that in a few days, I hit the magic number of 40. I hear that it is the new 3...
Pondering 40
Although I really would prefer not to, the simple fact remains that in a few days, I hit the magic number of 40. I hear that it is the new 30, but frankly, 30 was a breeze. I had no children yet which of course means a lot less responsibility. While I know better than to think about important things after midnight, I can't seem to let it go tonight. The thought seems to be coming with an interesting shade of blue.
What the hell have I accomplished with my life?
I have no idea....
Some would focus on the children and parenting. Some on the two university degrees. Honestly, surviving elementary school with all the incredibly smart kids that happened to be in my year is rather miraculous in my eyes. The second degree from university was one of the most fun things I ever did, and one of the most courageous too.
Over the years, I have moved several times. I have adjusted to changing family dynamics. I have endured gains and losses in friends, family, money and life objectives. Through educational opportunities, I have continued to learn. My church family, if I ever choose to lean on them, is amazing in their love and support. My friends have become family and I have discovered that my ability to devote time to my close friends is appreciated.
So where was I? Oh yes taking stock...
My thirties have brought me some of the greatest gifts yet. The highlights are as follows:
Most of all. I have faith. I do the best I have with what I have to offer. I am enough. I have grace, healing and forgiveness that go with faith. I have faith in God, faith in my kids, faith in my friends, faith in my family, and while I am still working on faith in me...I will get there.
Maybe that is what is left for my 40's. I wonder what it will bring? I still need more patience. I need thicker skin.There are those that manage to hurt my feelings badly everytime I talk to them. Perhaps that might get better.I guess if I can continue to enjoy life and my relationships to the fullest, that will be enough.
And if it isn't....there is alway Vegas...right?
What the hell have I accomplished with my life?
I have no idea....
Some would focus on the children and parenting. Some on the two university degrees. Honestly, surviving elementary school with all the incredibly smart kids that happened to be in my year is rather miraculous in my eyes. The second degree from university was one of the most fun things I ever did, and one of the most courageous too.
Over the years, I have moved several times. I have adjusted to changing family dynamics. I have endured gains and losses in friends, family, money and life objectives. Through educational opportunities, I have continued to learn. My church family, if I ever choose to lean on them, is amazing in their love and support. My friends have become family and I have discovered that my ability to devote time to my close friends is appreciated.
So where was I? Oh yes taking stock...
My thirties have brought me some of the greatest gifts yet. The highlights are as follows:
- Love. I have an amazing network of family and friends that is second to none. I have family I can lean on. I have friends who appreciate me and all my quirks. I have friends that are like sisters and that truly know me. I really love that my thirties have given me the gift of people that will last a lifetime. I also love that my thirties gave me back people that I had drifted from. Island girls? As I could go on forever as to how much I appreciate this element...I will stop.
- Children. They drive me crazy and I adore them. I have learned more than I ever thought possible and my imagination has been stretched to the limits and then fractures because I haven't thought far enough. Or fast enough. I have two lively, creative, imaginative munchkins, who together with their friends, have managed to turn my world upside down. Of course, they travel with their friends and so my house is rarely quiet, which is something I love.
- Work. I am truly blessed to work in a field that I am passionate about. I might not earn thousands of dollars a year, but I feel like I am changing my world and my community with providing access to knowledge and history. I can be creative and studious. My work will have a legacy and that is important to me.
- Travel. I have long since had a love affair with plane tickets. I enjoy the destination and the heartbeat of seeing the different places that the world has to offer. Through travel, I now have travelling companions for girls trips (J and H) that have been some of the biggest blessings to me from the unexpected, friends that will travel with me even if they have no idea what they are getting into (J and E) and friends that automatically include me without me having to plan anything (K and C). I have a family that accommodates my insatiable need to see and do for which I am grateful. I just have to worry that I am bringing up two very like minded creatures. I hope their Dad has planned for that...hahaha....as I only intend to encourage it.
- Fearlessness. I have managed to take on some of the things that I was afraid of and have lived to be proud of it. Cliff diving in Mexico. Killing spiders in the house. Standing up for what I need and believe I should have. Afraid of being wrong anyone? It is ok to be wrong as long as you make amends. Zip lining from huge heights. Moving. Putting myself out there to make friends despite me rather reading a book. I can do anything if I am willing to try.
- Writing. I love to write and play with word. You might have noticed that I like to blog about all sorts of things. I like to write for work purposes and for pleasure. The way that my feelings become clear as I put things into words is rather interesting.
- Hurt. Odd isn't it? But, this is about pondering my life and to be truthful, my thirties have encompassed a world of hurt as well. Illness in loved ones. Rejection from people that matter. My own rehumanization project of self. Parenting challenges. Being willing to embrace changes that are beyond my control. I still worry too much about people and things. I care too much and get hurt in the process. While I might think I am idiotic, that is who I am and I have grown and developed as a result. How can this not be a good thing?
Most of all. I have faith. I do the best I have with what I have to offer. I am enough. I have grace, healing and forgiveness that go with faith. I have faith in God, faith in my kids, faith in my friends, faith in my family, and while I am still working on faith in me...I will get there.
Maybe that is what is left for my 40's. I wonder what it will bring? I still need more patience. I need thicker skin.There are those that manage to hurt my feelings badly everytime I talk to them. Perhaps that might get better.I guess if I can continue to enjoy life and my relationships to the fullest, that will be enough.
And if it isn't....there is alway Vegas...right?
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Hooliganting: Spontaneous Moments: Don't Think
Hooliganting: Spontaneous Moments: Don't Think: Don't think. Don't. I know you think that you want to think it over, think about things, plan, scheme it out, perhaps even plot. Don't. What...
Spontaneous Moments: Don't Think
Don't think. Don't. I know you think that you want to think it over, think about things, plan, scheme it out, perhaps even plot. Don't. What is the worst thing that can happen?
Sometimes, there needs to be time for the unexpected, the unplanned. I love that air of uncertainty that comes with someone showing up unannounced. Or that moment that you decide to go for coffee and a friend tags along. Quality time doesn't have to be planned but it certainly needs to be appreciated when it is offered. After a rather challenging exploration of my workday, which including discovering that I missed a course that I was supposed to be at due to other work issues that came up and put that out of my mind, I was rather relieved to get to the gym and work out some of the kinks. It was zumba so I donned my brightest of orange and purple to cheer myself up. But it was the conversation afterwards and the spontaneous cuppa with another lady that soothed my mood back to some semblance of normal.
I came home to yet another friend. Awesome! She strummed music and chilled out while I basically sat back and relaxed. The best part was she had even parented the girls so I didn't have to. I just have to remember that the youngest is requiring a fort building lesson in structure and design. That won't be spontaneous...
School starts on Monday. It really does. Most people that know me understand that I am crazy and keep a hectic schedule in the hopes of maintaining a healthy lifestyle full of opportunities. Heaven forbid that I miss out on anything afterall. But the one thing that I appreciate most of all is the random acts of visiting. Random acts of tourism? Sometimes even that funny text message or facebook post. Not everything in my world is on the timetable, nor should it be.
How many of you have taken the time out of your day to reach out to someone else? There are those that I know that struggle with the everyday business of just seeing to their famililes. I appreciate that and try to meet them where they are at. On the otherhand, I know folks that just think that people will automatically know what they are thinking and don't bother to reach out. Do you remember how it feels to get a letter in the mail? A flower just because? A dinner invitation for no reason other than spending time?
Some of the best moments in life are the little things. You can drop in on someone for a quick 15 minutes and change their day for the better. By saying hello, you are saying that they matter. They are important. They are worth the time. And to be fair, that needs to go in reverse. If someone stops by, they need to be there. The TV show can wait. Dinner can be stretched. The children won't malfunction from being 10 minutes later to bed. Patience, empathy, friendship should never be discounted or forgotten about. By advocating the spontaneous moments, I am really asking people to appreciate the moments that so quickly pass most folk by.
If the impulse strikes you to call someone, spend time, do something about it...be spontaneous. Don't think.
Do.
You will be remembered and loved.
At least by me.
Sometimes, there needs to be time for the unexpected, the unplanned. I love that air of uncertainty that comes with someone showing up unannounced. Or that moment that you decide to go for coffee and a friend tags along. Quality time doesn't have to be planned but it certainly needs to be appreciated when it is offered. After a rather challenging exploration of my workday, which including discovering that I missed a course that I was supposed to be at due to other work issues that came up and put that out of my mind, I was rather relieved to get to the gym and work out some of the kinks. It was zumba so I donned my brightest of orange and purple to cheer myself up. But it was the conversation afterwards and the spontaneous cuppa with another lady that soothed my mood back to some semblance of normal.
I came home to yet another friend. Awesome! She strummed music and chilled out while I basically sat back and relaxed. The best part was she had even parented the girls so I didn't have to. I just have to remember that the youngest is requiring a fort building lesson in structure and design. That won't be spontaneous...
School starts on Monday. It really does. Most people that know me understand that I am crazy and keep a hectic schedule in the hopes of maintaining a healthy lifestyle full of opportunities. Heaven forbid that I miss out on anything afterall. But the one thing that I appreciate most of all is the random acts of visiting. Random acts of tourism? Sometimes even that funny text message or facebook post. Not everything in my world is on the timetable, nor should it be.
How many of you have taken the time out of your day to reach out to someone else? There are those that I know that struggle with the everyday business of just seeing to their famililes. I appreciate that and try to meet them where they are at. On the otherhand, I know folks that just think that people will automatically know what they are thinking and don't bother to reach out. Do you remember how it feels to get a letter in the mail? A flower just because? A dinner invitation for no reason other than spending time?
Some of the best moments in life are the little things. You can drop in on someone for a quick 15 minutes and change their day for the better. By saying hello, you are saying that they matter. They are important. They are worth the time. And to be fair, that needs to go in reverse. If someone stops by, they need to be there. The TV show can wait. Dinner can be stretched. The children won't malfunction from being 10 minutes later to bed. Patience, empathy, friendship should never be discounted or forgotten about. By advocating the spontaneous moments, I am really asking people to appreciate the moments that so quickly pass most folk by.
If the impulse strikes you to call someone, spend time, do something about it...be spontaneous. Don't think.
You will be remembered and loved.
At least by me.
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Hooliganting: Thoughts versus Words
Hooliganting: Thoughts versus Words: There are times that relationships come into play. In fact, we are born into a sea of relationships in our world that shape us into the pers...
Thoughts versus Words
There are times that relationships come into play. In fact, we are born into a sea of relationships in our world that shape us into the person that others come to know. From the first moments, humans have thoughts and feelings. There is trust and mistrust. We learn. Gradually, we surround ourselves with people that matter to us: family and friends, teachers and healers. There are those that we lean on and those that we don't.
From my perspective, I have been blessed to have a tight knit circle of friends and family; including friends that have become family. We might not always get along or see eye to eye, but when needed we are there for each other. One of my closest people posted this today. I thought this described our friendship in a nutshell and I smiled.
I also took some time today to think about those people that I seem to have drifted from. I miss my late night storyteller (who still needs to finish his novel) and some of the college crew. There are friends from childhood and family that live far away. Life intervenes and we lose touch, but I am sure that the memories are strong and that the friendship will remain.
Through going through a program called choices, I learned about personalities and communication. The best part was learning to recognize how I communicate best and what motivates me in my relationships. There has been much healing and grace through this process, and for me a faith centered approach has worked well. "Do unto others..." I do the best I can with the circumstances that I have and try to make wise choices moving forward. I choose to respond to those people that create stronger relationships and care enough to grow with me. I have chosen to not repond to those people that just cause more hurt and disharmony in my world.
Admittedly, you can't always avoid the negative but if someone matters enough, the hurt is worth it. I have children and in trying to raise them to be the wonderful people that God intended, I sometimes get it woefully wrong. I have to be open to advice and sharing of other experiences from other people. I learn. At work, I make mistakes sometimes, but I have to be open to criticism and from that develop new strengths and new methods of relating to people. Is it easy? Not always but it is always worth it. It is not worth it to invest in relationships where I find myself constantly giving and then forgiving. Sometimes, it is having to forgive myself for getting it wrong again. Sometimes, I have to allow myself the time to heal before I reconnect.
The problem is that I think a great deal. I think about people and places. However, I often don't communicate my thoughts into words. While I try to give direct responses to questions, if you don't ask, I won't volunteer information. This means that I can be thinking of you all the time, but will rarely get around to picking up the phone. Yes, I am busy. But, I am never to busy to care. I love to hear your stories and know what is going on in your world. I will creep your facebook to find out that you are OK. So, to the friend that posted the above image...love you lots! And to the rest of you...same goes!
I also took some time today to think about those people that I seem to have drifted from. I miss my late night storyteller (who still needs to finish his novel) and some of the college crew. There are friends from childhood and family that live far away. Life intervenes and we lose touch, but I am sure that the memories are strong and that the friendship will remain.
Through going through a program called choices, I learned about personalities and communication. The best part was learning to recognize how I communicate best and what motivates me in my relationships. There has been much healing and grace through this process, and for me a faith centered approach has worked well. "Do unto others..." I do the best I can with the circumstances that I have and try to make wise choices moving forward. I choose to respond to those people that create stronger relationships and care enough to grow with me. I have chosen to not repond to those people that just cause more hurt and disharmony in my world.
Admittedly, you can't always avoid the negative but if someone matters enough, the hurt is worth it. I have children and in trying to raise them to be the wonderful people that God intended, I sometimes get it woefully wrong. I have to be open to advice and sharing of other experiences from other people. I learn. At work, I make mistakes sometimes, but I have to be open to criticism and from that develop new strengths and new methods of relating to people. Is it easy? Not always but it is always worth it. It is not worth it to invest in relationships where I find myself constantly giving and then forgiving. Sometimes, it is having to forgive myself for getting it wrong again. Sometimes, I have to allow myself the time to heal before I reconnect.
The problem is that I think a great deal. I think about people and places. However, I often don't communicate my thoughts into words. While I try to give direct responses to questions, if you don't ask, I won't volunteer information. This means that I can be thinking of you all the time, but will rarely get around to picking up the phone. Yes, I am busy. But, I am never to busy to care. I love to hear your stories and know what is going on in your world. I will creep your facebook to find out that you are OK. So, to the friend that posted the above image...love you lots! And to the rest of you...same goes!
Sunday, August 12, 2012
Hooliganting: Butterfingers
Hooliganting: Butterfingers: Bruises...I think I actually have bruises...on my shins, elbows, side of my hand and other places that I haven't even looked at yet. Today i...
Butterfingers
Bruises...I think I actually have bruises...on my shins, elbows, side of my hand and other places that I haven't even looked at yet. Today is yet another of those days that I will look back on and chuckle. Giggle a bit and hmmm look to the sky heavenward and pretend that perhaps it wasn't so bad. But truthfully, it was. Ever heard of butterfingers? In my case, it was buttery everything - including but not limited to - the butter dish. That clattered across the floor as I dropped it from the fridge.
Books have fallen from the bedside table as I got out of bed this morning. Looking for a coupon in the car, I managed to drop my camera inbetween the seat and the console. Trying to get it out, I dropped my wallet down the other side. Once at breakfast, I managed to drop other contents of my purse onto the floor as I tried to retrieve my wallet. Later, at the birthday party, I dropped my fork, the cake and vegetables to the floor. At home, the chili spoon went sailing across the counter before flipping onto the floor - scattering a wake of chili spray along with it. School supplies and laundry have also had their share of moments today.
Now, I realize that I tend to approach kitchens with a bit of trepidation. That is warranted based on episodes like the arc welding of the crock pot bang, and the turkey fire incident. However, I don't tend to be this disaster prone when just walking through a space. I also note that I do tend to have one speed when it comes to household chores. That typically involves the phraseology of "Get er done!" The faster the better so that I can sit and read a book...or something...
I think today I just lacked coordination. So when it was time to go and play baseball, you would think that I had the sense to stay home. Oh no...that would have been logical and perhaps even practical. I went anyway to rock the purple mitt. I played back catcher and caught a ball or two. I missed a few...hit a few with the bat. The bases were rounded and I learned a few more of the rules. Maybe by the end of the season, I will actually know them. Hahaha...
But the bruises from today? I have banged into counters, slipped on the stairs, dropped things on my toes and essentially inflicted various degrees of color coding to my personal self. Blue, black, purple and green...not to mention yellow. Sigh...I sure hope that by tomorrow I figure out how to be coordinated again.
This was crazy.
Books have fallen from the bedside table as I got out of bed this morning. Looking for a coupon in the car, I managed to drop my camera inbetween the seat and the console. Trying to get it out, I dropped my wallet down the other side. Once at breakfast, I managed to drop other contents of my purse onto the floor as I tried to retrieve my wallet. Later, at the birthday party, I dropped my fork, the cake and vegetables to the floor. At home, the chili spoon went sailing across the counter before flipping onto the floor - scattering a wake of chili spray along with it. School supplies and laundry have also had their share of moments today.
Now, I realize that I tend to approach kitchens with a bit of trepidation. That is warranted based on episodes like the arc welding of the crock pot bang, and the turkey fire incident. However, I don't tend to be this disaster prone when just walking through a space. I also note that I do tend to have one speed when it comes to household chores. That typically involves the phraseology of "Get er done!" The faster the better so that I can sit and read a book...or something...
I think today I just lacked coordination. So when it was time to go and play baseball, you would think that I had the sense to stay home. Oh no...that would have been logical and perhaps even practical. I went anyway to rock the purple mitt. I played back catcher and caught a ball or two. I missed a few...hit a few with the bat. The bases were rounded and I learned a few more of the rules. Maybe by the end of the season, I will actually know them. Hahaha...
But the bruises from today? I have banged into counters, slipped on the stairs, dropped things on my toes and essentially inflicted various degrees of color coding to my personal self. Blue, black, purple and green...not to mention yellow. Sigh...I sure hope that by tomorrow I figure out how to be coordinated again.
This was crazy.
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
Olympics: My take
I am a follower of several sports. Since I have children, I tend to watch sporting events for the promotion of healthy lifestyles, the outdoorsyness of them, speed, adrenaline and essentially, living vicariously through the achievements of others. At the Olympics, sport becomes a thing that generates national pride or national dismay. It doesn't seem to matter where you are from.
I remember being a child who loved track and field. I remember sprinting and running the Dingle Bingle Hill. I hated that hill as I was never one for long distance running. Still, if we wanted to go to track meets, we had to participate. For me the most important part was being good at something. The bleachers being full and travelling in the bus made memories. As a team, there were the good days and the bad. I still think that it was a great experience.
Watching these Olympics, I have had to turn them off. I can't watch anymore. There has been more controversy, protests and interesting calls. The media articles and coverage have tried to promote the positive elements. I liked watching how Felix won the 200 metres and how van Koeverden got a silver medal. That is what I want my girls to see. An appreciation of sport and a sense of fairness. Some of the athletes go too far in their arrogance on the track. I don't appreciate my kids learning that. This Olympics seems to have highlighted poor officiating in several sports, defecting athletes, more drug users, and a sense of injustice prevails. How can I turn that on? I have taken to reading about it on google instead but find myself playing the google games instead as they are at least fun and uplifting.
I believe that the best athlete should win.
I believe that all athletes should have the same opportunities within the realm of their sports.
I believe that doing your very best, even if you are last, is good enough. You were good enough to get there in the first place and you earned it.
I am proud to watch how athletes win with pride and grace.
I am proud to see losses handled with dignity and respect for the other team.
I would like to read more on why certain protests are approved and changed (gymnastics comes to mind) and others are not (fencing comes to mind). It feels odd and not what the Olympics is supposed to be about.
Harder, faster, stronger, better.
Please put the Olympic Spirit back into these games so that we can all be proud to watch and celebrate the World's best. If not, I am quite happy to watch more of the Amazing Race or Masterchef. In one, I can travel vicariously through others and in the other perhaps learn how to cook better. After all, I did manage to blow up my crockpot this week.
I remember being a child who loved track and field. I remember sprinting and running the Dingle Bingle Hill. I hated that hill as I was never one for long distance running. Still, if we wanted to go to track meets, we had to participate. For me the most important part was being good at something. The bleachers being full and travelling in the bus made memories. As a team, there were the good days and the bad. I still think that it was a great experience.
Watching these Olympics, I have had to turn them off. I can't watch anymore. There has been more controversy, protests and interesting calls. The media articles and coverage have tried to promote the positive elements. I liked watching how Felix won the 200 metres and how van Koeverden got a silver medal. That is what I want my girls to see. An appreciation of sport and a sense of fairness. Some of the athletes go too far in their arrogance on the track. I don't appreciate my kids learning that. This Olympics seems to have highlighted poor officiating in several sports, defecting athletes, more drug users, and a sense of injustice prevails. How can I turn that on? I have taken to reading about it on google instead but find myself playing the google games instead as they are at least fun and uplifting.
I believe that the best athlete should win.
I believe that all athletes should have the same opportunities within the realm of their sports.
I believe that doing your very best, even if you are last, is good enough. You were good enough to get there in the first place and you earned it.
I am proud to watch how athletes win with pride and grace.
I am proud to see losses handled with dignity and respect for the other team.
I would like to read more on why certain protests are approved and changed (gymnastics comes to mind) and others are not (fencing comes to mind). It feels odd and not what the Olympics is supposed to be about.
Harder, faster, stronger, better.
Please put the Olympic Spirit back into these games so that we can all be proud to watch and celebrate the World's best. If not, I am quite happy to watch more of the Amazing Race or Masterchef. In one, I can travel vicariously through others and in the other perhaps learn how to cook better. After all, I did manage to blow up my crockpot this week.
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Hooliganting: Justice: Or lack thereof
Hooliganting: Justice: Or lack thereof: The face in the window was teary eyed and bloody of nose. Horrified, I snatched up my dinner purchase and scuttled out of the shop to find t...
Justice: Or lack thereof
The face in the window was teary eyed and bloody of nose. Horrified, I snatched up my dinner purchase and scuttled out of the shop to find three children determined to be right, determined to get themselves out of trouble and pretty certain that I was just going to ignore their behaviour. I made the mistake of asking what happened. Quickly the conversation became bedlam with blame and recriminations going everywhere. Bottom line, the two extra children I had believed that I had no power to dispense JUSTICE. Ha. I said to that. A phone call to one parent and a wee visit to another one gave me time to think.
Justice: This is what it looks like.
Drop off the child who seemed to be not involved at the end. This is done in silence.
Reconvene at the hearing. Location: Back deck.
Three of them faced me at the table while I distributed pens and paper. Then I sat opposite them.
Me: "What happened?"
C1: "I got out of my seat to stretch. I was flying my paper airplane." (I deduce that this is over head of C2).
C2: "I was playing a game with C1."
C1: "She snatched it and was trying to throw it out the window or out of the van."
I intervene to discuss that this seemed to be a joke gone wrong and were manners used to request the object back. I explained that C1 didn't understand the joke and that C2 was being cruel, disrespectful and mean minded by carrying that on too far. We have the perpetrator. The injured party started it in the first place.
Court continues:...
C1 snatches the plane back and stated that asking had occurred and was ignored. C2 claims a lack of hearing. I don't know. I explain that had things been left alone at this point, the only person that would be in trouble is C2. Then it is revealed that C1 is now in tears as the plane was ripped when it was snatched back.
C3 interrupts and explains in a sassy saucy voice that sides had been chosen and that she had taken the side of C1. C1 was now hitting C2 with a hat and with a bubble bottle. C3 was given a bottle of bubbles by C1 and instructed to hit C2 with those as well. C2 was trying to block them and in the process got whacked in the face by C3. Bloody nose and tears ensue.
Shaking my head, I pronounce disgust at persuading a younger child to hit inappropriately. I discuss good problem solving skills versus bad. C2 is made to realize that this situation was started by her actions. C2 was lectured about using other people to do dirty work and how fair two against one odds were. C3 was lectured over being rude, sassy and interfering and being a bully. All of them were told what I thought of them in calm cool tones.
JUDGMENT:
They spent the next thirty minutes with their pens and paper having to write down things that they liked about the other children. The thing is: they are like cousins. They don't always get along and nor do they have to. They do have to learn to control their body parts and their mouths so that they don't hurt other people as adults. I rather liked my little court on the back deck. It was calm. There was no arguing and all the children felt like they had a voice and were heard. There was equality in their trouble.
I finished the day feeling like the worst parent ever, but I understand that I am not perfect either. I trusted them to wait for me as I ran in to grab a quick dinner that I thought they would all eat. My error. I won't do that again.
But here are some of the results:
From C2 about C1: From C2 about C3:
1. He is silly 1. She is a great playmate
2. Good at dog piles. 2. She runs
3. Shares nice 3. I like her
4. Has a nice bunk. 4. She is silly
5. Has a nice mom. 5. She is really nice
6. Big hugs. 6. Funny
7. Bigger than me. 7. Great
8. He is weird like me. 8. Good
9. Good 9. "asume"
10. Teaches me computers 10. "thirinling" (I dont' know what that means).
From C3 about C1: From C3 about C2:
1. I love _____ 1. Best sister
2. Best friend I ever had. 2. So silly
3. Best friend to play with . 3. So nice
4. Is silly 4. So kind
5. Is good at goggy 5. So nice to play with
6. Is so kind
7. Is my best friend.
Admittedly, this is all in a days work of parenting. Sometimes....you have to keep your cool. Sometimes, you have to express displeasure. Sometimes you have to regroup and rethink.
This was my effort and I have to say...based on my comment sheets...I am pleased with the results. The kids really like each other after all, and maybe...today was the day we all learned something new.
Justice: This is what it looks like.
Drop off the child who seemed to be not involved at the end. This is done in silence.
Reconvene at the hearing. Location: Back deck.
Three of them faced me at the table while I distributed pens and paper. Then I sat opposite them.
Me: "What happened?"
C1: "I got out of my seat to stretch. I was flying my paper airplane." (I deduce that this is over head of C2).
C2: "I was playing a game with C1."
C1: "She snatched it and was trying to throw it out the window or out of the van."
I intervene to discuss that this seemed to be a joke gone wrong and were manners used to request the object back. I explained that C1 didn't understand the joke and that C2 was being cruel, disrespectful and mean minded by carrying that on too far. We have the perpetrator. The injured party started it in the first place.
Court continues:...
C1 snatches the plane back and stated that asking had occurred and was ignored. C2 claims a lack of hearing. I don't know. I explain that had things been left alone at this point, the only person that would be in trouble is C2. Then it is revealed that C1 is now in tears as the plane was ripped when it was snatched back.
C3 interrupts and explains in a sassy saucy voice that sides had been chosen and that she had taken the side of C1. C1 was now hitting C2 with a hat and with a bubble bottle. C3 was given a bottle of bubbles by C1 and instructed to hit C2 with those as well. C2 was trying to block them and in the process got whacked in the face by C3. Bloody nose and tears ensue.
Shaking my head, I pronounce disgust at persuading a younger child to hit inappropriately. I discuss good problem solving skills versus bad. C2 is made to realize that this situation was started by her actions. C2 was lectured about using other people to do dirty work and how fair two against one odds were. C3 was lectured over being rude, sassy and interfering and being a bully. All of them were told what I thought of them in calm cool tones.
JUDGMENT:
They spent the next thirty minutes with their pens and paper having to write down things that they liked about the other children. The thing is: they are like cousins. They don't always get along and nor do they have to. They do have to learn to control their body parts and their mouths so that they don't hurt other people as adults. I rather liked my little court on the back deck. It was calm. There was no arguing and all the children felt like they had a voice and were heard. There was equality in their trouble.
I finished the day feeling like the worst parent ever, but I understand that I am not perfect either. I trusted them to wait for me as I ran in to grab a quick dinner that I thought they would all eat. My error. I won't do that again.
But here are some of the results:
From C2 about C1: From C2 about C3:
1. He is silly 1. She is a great playmate
2. Good at dog piles. 2. She runs
3. Shares nice 3. I like her
4. Has a nice bunk. 4. She is silly
5. Has a nice mom. 5. She is really nice
6. Big hugs. 6. Funny
7. Bigger than me. 7. Great
8. He is weird like me. 8. Good
9. Good 9. "asume"
10. Teaches me computers 10. "thirinling" (I dont' know what that means).
From C3 about C1: From C3 about C2:
1. I love _____ 1. Best sister
2. Best friend I ever had. 2. So silly
3. Best friend to play with . 3. So nice
4. Is silly 4. So kind
5. Is good at goggy 5. So nice to play with
6. Is so kind
7. Is my best friend.
Admittedly, this is all in a days work of parenting. Sometimes....you have to keep your cool. Sometimes, you have to express displeasure. Sometimes you have to regroup and rethink.
This was my effort and I have to say...based on my comment sheets...I am pleased with the results. The kids really like each other after all, and maybe...today was the day we all learned something new.