Justice: Or lack thereof

The face in the window was teary eyed and bloody of nose. Horrified, I snatched up my dinner purchase and scuttled out of the shop to find three children determined to be right, determined to get themselves out of trouble and pretty certain that I was just going to ignore their behaviour. I made the mistake of asking what happened. Quickly the conversation became bedlam with blame and recriminations going everywhere. Bottom line, the two extra children I had believed that I had no power to dispense JUSTICE. Ha. I said to that. A phone call to one parent and a wee visit to another one gave me time to think.

Justice: This is what it looks like.

Drop off the child who seemed to be not involved at the end. This is done in silence.

Reconvene at the hearing. Location: Back deck.

Three of them faced me at the table while I distributed pens and paper. Then I sat opposite them.
Me: "What happened?"
C1: "I got out of my seat to stretch. I was flying my paper airplane." (I deduce that this is over head of C2).
C2: "I was playing a game with C1."
C1: "She snatched it and was trying to throw it out the window or out of the van."

I intervene to discuss that this seemed to be a joke gone wrong and were manners used to request the object back. I explained that C1 didn't understand the joke and that C2 was being cruel, disrespectful and mean minded by carrying that on too far. We have the perpetrator. The injured party started it in the first place.

Court continues:...
C1 snatches the plane back and stated that asking had occurred and was ignored. C2 claims a lack of hearing. I don't know. I explain that had things been left alone at this point, the only person that would be in trouble is C2. Then it is revealed that C1 is now in tears as the plane was ripped when it was snatched back.

C3 interrupts and explains in a sassy saucy voice that sides had been chosen and that she had taken the side of C1. C1 was now hitting C2 with a hat and with a bubble bottle. C3 was given a bottle of bubbles by C1 and instructed to hit C2 with those as well. C2 was trying to block them and in the process got whacked in the face by C3. Bloody nose and tears ensue.

Shaking my head, I pronounce disgust at persuading a younger child to hit inappropriately. I discuss good problem solving skills versus bad. C2 is made to realize that this situation was started by her actions. C2 was lectured about using other people to do dirty work and how fair two against one odds were. C3 was lectured over being rude, sassy and interfering and being a bully. All of them were told what I thought of them in calm cool tones.

JUDGMENT:

They spent the next thirty minutes with their pens and paper having to write down things that they liked about the other children. The thing is: they are like cousins. They don't always get along and nor do they have to. They do have to learn to control their body parts and their mouths so that they don't hurt other people as adults. I rather liked my little court on the back deck. It was calm. There was no arguing and all the children felt like they had a voice and were heard. There was equality in their trouble.

I finished the day feeling like the worst parent ever, but I understand that I am not perfect either. I trusted them to wait for me as I ran in to grab a quick dinner that I thought they would all eat. My error. I won't do that again.

But here are some of the results:

From C2 about C1:                                          From C2 about C3:

1. He is silly                                                      1. She is a great playmate
2. Good at dog piles.                                        2. She runs
3. Shares nice                                                   3. I like her
4. Has a nice bunk.                                           4. She is silly
5. Has a nice mom.                                           5. She is really nice
6. Big hugs.                                                       6. Funny
7. Bigger than me.                                             7. Great
8. He is weird like me.                                       8. Good
9. Good                                                            9. "asume"
10. Teaches me computers                                10. "thirinling" (I dont' know what that means).

From C3 about C1:                                          From C3 about C2:


1. I love _____                                                1. Best sister

2. Best friend I ever had.                                  2. So silly

3. Best friend to play with .                               3. So nice

4. Is silly                                                          4. So kind

5. Is good at goggy                                          5. So nice to play with
6. Is so kind                                          

7. Is my best friend.                                       



Admittedly, this is all in a days work of parenting. Sometimes....you have to keep your cool. Sometimes, you have to express displeasure. Sometimes you have to regroup and rethink.

This was my effort and I have to say...based on my comment sheets...I am pleased with the results. The kids really like each other after all, and maybe...today was the day we all learned something new.