Reflections

This blogger has been silent for awhile. Everytime, I thought I had something to say, I found that silence was better. I still wrote the pieces but due to offending other people in my current sphere of personal influences, the send button was not an option. 2014 was a year full of highs and lows. I have been very happy and very defeated.

Why?

2014 was the year of family and family connections. These are the highights from weddings to renewing relationships, I have appreciated the opportunities and blessings that have come from family. Traveling was amazing and the laughter and new experiences beyond measure. Better yet, I was blessed to discover how invaluable my framily are. I learned to lean on others and to appreciate the blessings that my sphere of people are. Especially in the latter part of the year, I realized how amazing my northern family is. I love you very much peeps!

As a mother, I have had some moments of being exceptionally proud of my kids and moments where I wonder how on earth that child has anything to do with me. It has been a year of changes and new directions for both girls, learning the hard way how their individuality is a blessing. There are always going to be those people better than you at sports, arts, school and life, and being themselves is OK. They are full of sass and spirit and are finding their way through the transitions of girlhood. (Can you say hormones? - better that you don't...) I have posted about swimming, art, music and dance. My hope is that the girls find their passion and live it despite the obstacles in their way.

As 2014 draws to a close, I can say that the winds of change are blowing. I am determined to make 2015 different. Last year, I was hoping for a better year. That was a mistake. The low points of this year are still being dealt with and I can honestly say, I hope that some of the experiences never come calling again. Worst point for me was having to do without a vehicle for a bit. That cost me an opportunity that I still regret not being able to take. It was a lesson in how a split second decision can completely change your life. Therefore, I am now doing what I can to change my future positively and with determination. I am doing what I can to make sure I never get caught out like that again.

So, back to relationships. There has been forgiveness and growth. I have let old hurts go and have moved forward with confidence. I deal with the family dynamics that I have and move past them. How many of you have that person or persons in your life that can send you to the basement faster than any other? I have found myself surrounded by those people this year in certain environments. I have chosen to move past them and around them and in some cases, live with them. I have mentally prepared plans that will create more happiness once the changes are implemented and I am hopeful that it will be quick. Furthermore, I am not going to take on everyone else's critic as my own. That is key.

I have embraced my workouts and eye the battle of the bugle with skepticism. Am I healthy? Yes. Am I slim? Definately not. Can I do anything about it? I have no idea. I have cut out breads and wheat to no avail. I have given up chocolate and cream in the coffee. I eat soup for lunch. I follow the guidelines of my fitnesspal. I gained 20 pounds under a nutritionist and more under weightwatchers. Still, the weight goes up. I think this year, I am going to choose foods that make me happy. Will they be sensible? Likely. But I am going to keep beating myself up because I don't look like the slim beautiful 42 year old that lurks inside my head? Probably once in awhile. I have to be honest, bad habits are hard to break.

I think that the best messages that I can move forward with are the mental messages that will lead me forward with positive feelings and thoughts. I am going to learn how to brush the negative to one side. I am going to be different.

Cheers 2015. Today is a brand new year with no mistakes in it yet.