The Elephant in the Room: Pondering Grief

It is midnight. The house is quiet. Facebook has been meandered through. Chores done and life is pretty normal. Except it isn't. Not for me, not for a huge number of people that live here. We lost one our own and I am still catching myself thinking about the family left behind and wondering.

First, this was someone who was gone too soon. Secondly, the loss takes me to places that I thought I had already coped with. The accident mirrored drastically the passing of a close family friend when I was turning 17. It was my birthday and the world went dark. The community was swept into grieving the loss of a 14 year old as a mine shaft caved in where I grew up. My brothers were spared...just. The media storm and the commentary was tragic and devestating. It would have been much worse in today's modern world. Like then, it is now...a community mourns.

The thing that bothers me is that I can't fix this. I can't say anything other than offer quiet sympathy. But there is more to the grieving process. Do we send the flowers on valentines day to show we remember and we care? Will someone take care of the birthday and anniversary that were his to surprise and spoil her on? Will the kids be OK? Does she know from within that dark space of mind at three am that all she needs to do is call and we will be there? I am on the fringe...and I hate the thought of this cheerful, fun-loving dedicated family being wounded. It sucks. It is the elephant in the room.

And yet, I still have the nightly terrors that flash it all back to 1989. Is it valid to acknowledge that or do I stuff that down into the abyss again? Brushed under the carpet is helping me any, but yet it was so long ago that no one really wants to go there. To be fair, I don't. It is the smells, the sounds, a turn of phrase...it is the laughter and bad jokes...it is the not knowing WHY or HOW...and the helplessness of being able to do NOTHING useful.

So, it is midnight. I am exhausted. I don't want to go to bed because I hate what I find there. The dark is not my friend. And out of respect, I am not posting this one to Facebook as that is not the place for this. Ideas on solving insomnia are welcome.

Hooliganting: The Nature of My Oil Sands

Hooliganting: The Nature of My Oil Sands: Living in the frozen north, I think that eventually I get to a point where my mind goes numb. There have been so many things that are going ...

The Nature of My Oil Sands

Living in the frozen north, I think that eventually I get to a point where my mind goes numb. There have been so many things that are going on and yet, finding the time to write seems to be diminshed. I have scrapbooked, visited family, worked and as you can tell, I am working hard at this because for the life of me, I CANNOT remember the darned password to the cloud. It forced me to change it at the end of the day on Wednesday and now - I am stuck. So, break time it is.

Now, some of the biggest posts around Facebook seem to be about Neil Young and Blue Rodeo and their skewed and biased take on the oil sands. Because I know that so many of you have no idea about where I live because you are all far away, I felt inspired to write my own debate response. They referred to my home as being like Hiroshima. Hiroshima? Really? That is insulting to those of us who live here AND to the Japanese that experienced that. I can't imagine oil sands being the same thing as a wasteland of human life and mortality. Have you ever seen a smog map? The air in and around Wood Buffalo is reasonably clear considering the industry. Try looking across the USA, it isn't as nice. Our community is isolated and uniquely challenged. No industry is pretty, I get that. However, please note that the oil was in the water BEFORE people moved here. There are pictures of aboriginal children playing in the river with oily water lapping their legs from the early 1900's. With the sustainable reclaimation programs, I would argue that in some ways, the land is cleaner now and that our companies are mandated to reclaim the land, spending billions on it.  But what would I know? I just live here, camp in the woods, canoe on the river, work in the tourism sector, and raise my kids.

Just as an example, I went skiing today. I drove a short 30 minutes to Vista Ridge and this is what I got to see today.

I have been camping. and attended special events like the Fire Fighters community breakfast and demonstrations.

 I have been walking through the birchwood trails that I love. It is beautiful here.

So, before you trounce a community that I have to live in, respect and appreciate for the good, bad and ugly. Perhaps don't take the oils sands sponsorship for your concerts, or the oils sands money that paid for the tickets. Perhaps you shouldn't be a hypocrite...look in your own back door.

That being said, there have been so many other funny moments this week. All point to the blatant silliness of people. In our community, they do snow removal. Three days before they put out signs that say no parking due to street maintenance. These signs are placed at all intersections and along the roads, and are very hard to miss judging from the number of times cars actually run them over. So, I gleefully took this picture of the people being ticketed and towed for simply not reading the sign or thinking that it didn't apply to them. With all the snow, we need it cleared. People, get out of the way.

The sign is located by the edge of the image and by the far tree. The city is making money. Lol.

What else? Oh, we have had the leaking roof tops and the wind storm. We have had the car break downs and people in the ditch due to icy conditions. There have been the first week back at school shennangians but all of these things are just life. Life anywhere in any place will have some of the same hiccups. Bottom line: do the best you can with what you have. Be positive in your experience and if you don't like it, don't come here and leave us alone. We are just fine thank you. In the north, this is the nature of things and we like it.

Not a smog cloud in the sky.

Hooliganting: Bending the Rules: Do or Die

Hooliganting: Bending the Rules: Do or Die: Frozen windows and crystals forming outside are signs that it is desperately cold outside. This is winter with a vengeance and today, we...

Bending the Rules: Do or Die

Frozen windows and crystals forming outside are signs that it is desperately cold outside. This is winter with a vengeance and today, well, vengeance came with the blasting of the alarm. Falling into routine, I hustled the girls out of bed and began to get ready when the shiny alarm face triggered the LATE response. Today was specialist at the hospital day for my eldest.

SUGAR

Turbo mode hits and I chased the children around the house, into snowsuits and grabbed breakfast to go. So far, time is salvageable so I drop my youngest at a friends so she can catch the bus and I head off. Through the four way stop, to the lights on Rainbow Creek and the abs light flashes with the battery light. Uh oh. Pondering it I kept going until suddenly more lights flash and I turned for home. I didn't make it. The van stuttered into a parking lot. My eldest and I started to walk for home, only to find that the parking lot was well fenced and we had to go around. We were already blue with cold after 15 minutes. My phone was already dead from the cold (or yes I would have kept trying to reach friends). It was only -33 outside - almost tropical. After glancing at my eldest, I made a decision I thought I would never make.

I waved over a truck. The man pulled over and I asked him for a ride home. Pierre - I bless you from the roots of my heart. He arranged his back seat for miss and I clambered into the front seat and he drove us home to warmth and the truck parked in the drive. As he drove, I just sighed and said "A...remember that rule about not talking to strangers? And the one about never hitchhiking? And the one about never getting in a vehicle with someone you don't know?" "I'm sorry to confuse you but you were getting far too cold and this was survival first." After all, there are some amazing people out there and not everyone is crazy. I was so grateful. It was just a moment. To the man in the truck. THANK YOU.

So, the next step was "borrowing" the truck. I scrambled into the house, and rifled the cupboard for the spare key kept there and went back out to drive my eldest to the hospital for her appointment. Now, these appointments are booked months in advance and the specialist only comes once a month and we were already late by this point. I drove. As we neared the hospital, the flat tire light flashed onto the dash. Shaking, I pulled into the parking lot and dropped miss at the door. The light did not go away. I pulled onto the street and parked. By this point, I was in a state of disbelief. I checked on the pulmonary function test and since I wasn't needed I made some critical calls from the hospital wall phone to the mechanics and towing companies, the tire place and truck boss to fess up. Oh and of course, work - since I wasn't there either. Sigh.

I guess I looked like I was in rough shape as I had all sorts of offers of coffee, tissues, moral support. The nurse that knows us well, managed to check up on me and miss. The good news was that she finished her test and got to the Dr. quickly in the end, despite being late. The bad news was that the test wasn't perfect. Redo? The good news was that despite a wee glitch - she is good for six months now and the medication is working for her asthma. Wahooo! Bad new was that she needs a puffer for safety in the cold. She will lose it pronto. Sigh.



Next stop: the truck. Note to self - when "borrowing" a truck, you wind up on the hook for the maintenance of that vehicle. The nasty low pressure light was still on and at my wits end, I limped the truck to the tire shop. Walking in, I just asked the staff "please fix my day." I was shaking with cold and miss wasn't much better so they offered hot chocolate and coffee. Meanwhile, the fellow mechanic wandered out to check the tires without his coat! No, there was one flat tire on the truck. There were two.

SUGAR

The tires were fixed and finally I got miss to school. Checking on the van - it was still there so tried to see what was wrong. Yeah, that didn't go well and I got more cold. So, I headed for work and actually got some things done there and defrosted. If there is a hot spot on the planet, I swear it is my office. The process did take more coffee though. After work, I headed for home and THE VAN WAS STILL THERE. No tow truck. So, that meant more phone calls and more aggravation. I guess the van might be pooched for my Edmonton trip.

Silver lining moments are present in every bad day though.

• The evening activities happened as planned.
• My eldest got her swim badge
• My youngest got her special book order
• My friends really rallied around and offered help once they realized I had a problem.
• We are safe and sound at home
• My family is awesome and able to help me make the rest of the week happen.

Yes, I am once again grateful for the little things. What if this had happened on my trip to Edmonton?

That doesn't bear thinking about...so yes...thank you that this day was today and not Friday. 

Hooliganting: Los Cabos: Snorkeling and ATV's

Hooliganting: Los Cabos: Snorkeling and ATV's: How swiftly a week passes while on vacation. Our last day dawned hazy but warm. I had really wanted to go snorkelling so after wandering int...

Los Cabos: Snorkeling and ATV's

How swiftly a week passes while on vacation. Our last day dawned hazy but warm. I had really wanted to go snorkelling so after wandering into San Jose Del Cabo, we found a wee shop that also sold tour tickets.This was definately the way to go! All the details were correct and there were no hiccups at all.

The Cabo Rey left from the Cabo San Lucas Waterfront Marina. I know that we should have been more sensible, but I really hate paying for taxis at $20 when the bus is very cheap and also goes where I want it to go. Besides, what is more fun than taking the bus? We left around 8:30 in the morning and walked to the bus stop near the Mega. Of course, we just missed the bus and watched it speed merrily by. That meant a 15 minute wait for the next bus. At least this time, the sun was shining. The bus arrived with a sign in the window indicating Cabo San Lucas so off we went for our $27 pesos. Now, you would thing that since our last bus adventure, we would have learned a thing or two about where the bus would stop. We thought that we had that well thought out. And…

We were wrong.

The bus did not go to the Marina as we had anticipated. Instead, the bus reached an overpass and decided that we should get off along with four other passengers and he gestured to the road ahead. The sun heated the pavement and off we trudged, as fast as trudgers can trudge. We stopped twice to check our directions and hustled. I don’t think I have ever been so happy to see a shopping mall. We walked into the grand mall and the air conditioning blast was lovely. In fact, my delightful partner in crime took the opportunity to shoe shop for closed toe shoes while I cooled off. Shoes purchased, we headed straight around the Marina walking very fast to try and reach the Cabo Rey dock before the boat left. Of course, the boat was docked at the furthest mooring point. Finally, out of breath, we made it to the ship only to discover that we were early. How did we manage that?

The Cabo Rey was fabulous. While in dock, we were able to see the infamous sea lion playing in the harbour. Since we were early, we had first dibs on the buffet and access to the comfy VIP seating. We relaxed under the sunshine and after more passengers arrived, we cast off and sailed away. First, the ship sailed along to view the glorious beaches and El Arcos. The boat circled while we watched kayakers, snorkelers and water taxies jockey for position around the waves around the beautiful arches. The waiter danced attendance on my need for more than one cup of coffee and then off we sailed to Chileno Beach.

Chileno Beach was beautiful. Ironically, while on the bus I had pointed out the beach and it was where I had thought we might get another beach day in to practise snorkelling. We suited up and hit the rolling waves and the water was fabulous. The fish were stunning and all colours. There were some that I had never seen before. I loved the blue ones but was disconcerted when I turned to see my friend prowling the waters in a kayak instead. She preferred to be on the water, not in it, so that was an option. In the meantime, I shrieked underwater when I was completed surrounded by fish that were cuddling up against me. I guess I swam into the feeding zone and had slippery fishy bodies brushing my legs and arms and face. Since that was not my thing, I swam further out so I could watch them from a distance. All good things come to an end, and we were called back to the boat and sailed back to harbour. 

From there, we headed back to the mall where we were met by the Three Amigos transport. We were the first pick up and the driver headed to a hotel where we were joined by a very rambunctious group of American tourist. (Sorry, this is the group that gives American tourists a bad name). After watching them drink and smoke, we sighed. It was going to be a long journey. 

On arrival to the Three Amigos headquarters about 45 minutes outside of town, we signed our waivers and got our helmets, bandanas for the dust and found our ATV’s. Interestingly, you can also ride horses here, which was tempting. Next time.  We also learned that we could have had a private tour …again…next time we would book that. In the meantime, our wonderful guides gave us the rules of the road and we set out. The rowdy crew raced off and broke every rule while those of us that had more sense figured out to hang back and have fun. 

This was SO fun. I had never ridden an ATV before but after about 5 minutes, I was having an amazing time. The tour guides took us over the hills, through twists and turns, down under the highway, and over to the sand dunes. The best fun was over the beaches and down to the cove. There were two breaks and the sun was setting as we rode the ATV’s back. This was incredible and I would totally recommend this, despite the lecture dished out by the tour guides to the other members of the crew. They only broke two ATV’s after all.

We were driven back to the hotel afterwards and I opted for not cooking and having dinner out. We went to La Galleria. I have to be honest and say I did not enjoy my meal there as much as I had hoped I would. However, they handed me a free dessert and an apology so that made up for it. All in all, not a bad way to end a vacation. Some wine and conversation ended the evening, along with counting shooting stars.

The next morning saw us both on airplanes traveling back home. I landed to snow and cold…not nearly as much fun. Next trip, back to Disney in Florida in February. Stay tuned. ;-)

VIP Seating