It is the wee small hours of the morning and I am listening to the sounds of the nebulizer running in its monotone drone. To some it might be irritating, but to me...it a sound that I pay attention to, but can work around. It's been an interesting sort of day today. You see, I perceive myself as being rather quiet in social gatherings.The more people there are, the quieter I tend to be. In fact, it has been something that I work on, that attempt to make conversation and be heard in settings where it is appropriate, rather than my preferred method of people watching.
I can be passionate about certain subjects though. When my sentiments are riled, I can be a conversationalist to be reckoned with. One of my struggles is in deciding when to be heard and when not to be. How far should you go in a conversation? Where are the boundaries? Where will I cause offence? Over the past year, I have worked really hard at not getting worked up over things and trying to take things as they are and work through them. In fact, I thought I was getting good at problem solving on the fly and at not taking offence to things that were not technically speaking "my stuff".
The other problem to consider is how well listening is occuring. Are you a good listener? How well are you being heard? Just because you think someone is listening doesn't mean that they are. I run into the problem also that just because someone is passionate about a subject, it doesn't necessarily mean that they are genuinely interested in your feedback about the subject in question. Instead, the flow of conversation is just supposed to be muted nods and smiles.
The problem areas for me at this moment is that I thought I had improved on the being quiet and listening elements. Apparently, I still have work to do in that area. Hence the reason I am acknowledging that I can be a bull dozer in conversations that I am passionate about. There are a few topics that come to mind based on recent developments in my own world.
For example, after some insight into the theory that I should be actively dissillisioning my children into the fact that the Easter Bunny isn't real while Santa Claus is real, I am questioning how well I am communicating. The children in the playground have been actively sharing their Easter experiences. Child A has been told that the Easter Bunny isn't real. Child B insists that the Easter Bunny and Santa are in the same place. Child C wasn't really thinking about it until they saw an adult dressed in a costume and decided that the Easter Bunny must be real because they saw a real person. Child D insists that both are real as they got presents from both. Child E says that as long as they believe that the mythical figures are real. As the adult listening in, I said nothing to them. I asked the odd question as to why they believed what they did.
However, feelings are being hurt. Children are being disillisioned because the blunt comments of one child destroys the beliefs of another. These are children that we want to believe in God, who they can't see. (For the record, the no Easter Bunny child does believe in fairies and Santa). So by creating the fun and illusion of Santa and the Easter Bunny, are we setting our kids up for heart break, and the knowledge that they parents lied to them? How do you justify one and not the other. How can we monitor how the outside impact play out? I experienced this by having a conversation that was not fully heard and more issues cropped up as a result.
Another situation can be assessed generally speaking. I have been told that I need to ask for what I want. I have done so, but have experienced an interesting case where what I percieved as a solution to my need to simplify my day was never heard because other listeners cut in with their opinions without listening to mine. The needs of others was perceived to be greater than mine. How is that judged without hearing the full side of a story? How do we communicate if people are never allowed to finish a complete sentence or thought?
I think my goals for the coming week is to pay attention to how much I bull doze conversations, to really listen to what is going on around me, and to try and stay out of conversations that I have no part in. The children don't need my opinions on the Easter Bunny and Santa. That is for them to work out. They do need my opinions on behavior and life skills. Listening and knowing how to pay attention being one of those.
From one bull dozer to another, I challenge you to wake up and pay attention.
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