Saturday, April 30, 2011
Hooliganting: Perceptions of a Bull Dozer...who should be dozing...
Hooliganting: Perceptions of a Bull Dozer...who should be dozing...: "It is the wee small hours of the morning and I am listening to the sounds of the nebulizer running in its monotone drone. To some it might b..."
Perceptions of a Bull Dozer...who should be dozing
It is the wee small hours of the morning and I am listening to the sounds of the nebulizer running in its monotone drone. To some it might be irritating, but to me...it a sound that I pay attention to, but can work around. It's been an interesting sort of day today. You see, I perceive myself as being rather quiet in social gatherings.The more people there are, the quieter I tend to be. In fact, it has been something that I work on, that attempt to make conversation and be heard in settings where it is appropriate, rather than my preferred method of people watching.
I can be passionate about certain subjects though. When my sentiments are riled, I can be a conversationalist to be reckoned with. One of my struggles is in deciding when to be heard and when not to be. How far should you go in a conversation? Where are the boundaries? Where will I cause offence? Over the past year, I have worked really hard at not getting worked up over things and trying to take things as they are and work through them. In fact, I thought I was getting good at problem solving on the fly and at not taking offence to things that were not technically speaking "my stuff".
The other problem to consider is how well listening is occuring. Are you a good listener? How well are you being heard? Just because you think someone is listening doesn't mean that they are. I run into the problem also that just because someone is passionate about a subject, it doesn't necessarily mean that they are genuinely interested in your feedback about the subject in question. Instead, the flow of conversation is just supposed to be muted nods and smiles.
The problem areas for me at this moment is that I thought I had improved on the being quiet and listening elements. Apparently, I still have work to do in that area. Hence the reason I am acknowledging that I can be a bull dozer in conversations that I am passionate about. There are a few topics that come to mind based on recent developments in my own world.
For example, after some insight into the theory that I should be actively dissillisioning my children into the fact that the Easter Bunny isn't real while Santa Claus is real, I am questioning how well I am communicating. The children in the playground have been actively sharing their Easter experiences. Child A has been told that the Easter Bunny isn't real. Child B insists that the Easter Bunny and Santa are in the same place. Child C wasn't really thinking about it until they saw an adult dressed in a costume and decided that the Easter Bunny must be real because they saw a real person. Child D insists that both are real as they got presents from both. Child E says that as long as they believe that the mythical figures are real. As the adult listening in, I said nothing to them. I asked the odd question as to why they believed what they did.
However, feelings are being hurt. Children are being disillisioned because the blunt comments of one child destroys the beliefs of another. These are children that we want to believe in God, who they can't see. (For the record, the no Easter Bunny child does believe in fairies and Santa). So by creating the fun and illusion of Santa and the Easter Bunny, are we setting our kids up for heart break, and the knowledge that they parents lied to them? How do you justify one and not the other. How can we monitor how the outside impact play out? I experienced this by having a conversation that was not fully heard and more issues cropped up as a result.
Another situation can be assessed generally speaking. I have been told that I need to ask for what I want. I have done so, but have experienced an interesting case where what I percieved as a solution to my need to simplify my day was never heard because other listeners cut in with their opinions without listening to mine. The needs of others was perceived to be greater than mine. How is that judged without hearing the full side of a story? How do we communicate if people are never allowed to finish a complete sentence or thought?
I think my goals for the coming week is to pay attention to how much I bull doze conversations, to really listen to what is going on around me, and to try and stay out of conversations that I have no part in. The children don't need my opinions on the Easter Bunny and Santa. That is for them to work out. They do need my opinions on behavior and life skills. Listening and knowing how to pay attention being one of those.
From one bull dozer to another, I challenge you to wake up and pay attention.
I can be passionate about certain subjects though. When my sentiments are riled, I can be a conversationalist to be reckoned with. One of my struggles is in deciding when to be heard and when not to be. How far should you go in a conversation? Where are the boundaries? Where will I cause offence? Over the past year, I have worked really hard at not getting worked up over things and trying to take things as they are and work through them. In fact, I thought I was getting good at problem solving on the fly and at not taking offence to things that were not technically speaking "my stuff".
The other problem to consider is how well listening is occuring. Are you a good listener? How well are you being heard? Just because you think someone is listening doesn't mean that they are. I run into the problem also that just because someone is passionate about a subject, it doesn't necessarily mean that they are genuinely interested in your feedback about the subject in question. Instead, the flow of conversation is just supposed to be muted nods and smiles.
The problem areas for me at this moment is that I thought I had improved on the being quiet and listening elements. Apparently, I still have work to do in that area. Hence the reason I am acknowledging that I can be a bull dozer in conversations that I am passionate about. There are a few topics that come to mind based on recent developments in my own world.
For example, after some insight into the theory that I should be actively dissillisioning my children into the fact that the Easter Bunny isn't real while Santa Claus is real, I am questioning how well I am communicating. The children in the playground have been actively sharing their Easter experiences. Child A has been told that the Easter Bunny isn't real. Child B insists that the Easter Bunny and Santa are in the same place. Child C wasn't really thinking about it until they saw an adult dressed in a costume and decided that the Easter Bunny must be real because they saw a real person. Child D insists that both are real as they got presents from both. Child E says that as long as they believe that the mythical figures are real. As the adult listening in, I said nothing to them. I asked the odd question as to why they believed what they did.
However, feelings are being hurt. Children are being disillisioned because the blunt comments of one child destroys the beliefs of another. These are children that we want to believe in God, who they can't see. (For the record, the no Easter Bunny child does believe in fairies and Santa). So by creating the fun and illusion of Santa and the Easter Bunny, are we setting our kids up for heart break, and the knowledge that they parents lied to them? How do you justify one and not the other. How can we monitor how the outside impact play out? I experienced this by having a conversation that was not fully heard and more issues cropped up as a result.
Another situation can be assessed generally speaking. I have been told that I need to ask for what I want. I have done so, but have experienced an interesting case where what I percieved as a solution to my need to simplify my day was never heard because other listeners cut in with their opinions without listening to mine. The needs of others was perceived to be greater than mine. How is that judged without hearing the full side of a story? How do we communicate if people are never allowed to finish a complete sentence or thought?
I think my goals for the coming week is to pay attention to how much I bull doze conversations, to really listen to what is going on around me, and to try and stay out of conversations that I have no part in. The children don't need my opinions on the Easter Bunny and Santa. That is for them to work out. They do need my opinions on behavior and life skills. Listening and knowing how to pay attention being one of those.
From one bull dozer to another, I challenge you to wake up and pay attention.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Hooliganting: The Art of the Flop
Hooliganting: The Art of the Flop: "It's an odd title I suppose. I am calling the flop art. There is a distinct flop that everyone perfects over time. That is the flop into bed..."
The Art of the Flop
It's an odd title I suppose. I am calling the flop art. There is a distinct flop that everyone perfects over time. That is the flop into bed. You can flop and roll, flop and drop, flop and bounce, plain flop....whatever you choose. What I find so amusing is watching it all unfold in the confines of the Brick's sleep department.
Of course, that was the game of the day. I have been so sick and tired of sleeping on the same sagging mattress that I finally decided to bite the bullet and divert into the Brick. As I walked in, there was the magical red and white signs that annnounced the Sale. Oh the lure of the Sale. Everything was on sale for an inventory blow out.
In my mind, for an instant, I was sticking with the game plan of research. I was going to sample the mattresses to get a sense of what I wanted and then price shop. Ok, I had already done a lot of that online but still...I was going to sensible. Arriving at the Sleep department with all the mattresses, I flopped backwards onto the mattress that I thought I wanted. Flop, bounce, groan. That will never do.
The sales lady comes over and points me in the direction of the most expensive mattress on the floor. To humor her, I wandered over to the Trump mattress deluxe, turned and flopped. Squish, roll, pillowy comfort...I don't want to move. Oh she wins! No, I must price compare and shop sensibly. I dragged my reluctant self off the bed and proceeded to sit and bounce on all the beds. Ones that were possible got another sample flop.
You have to imagine that the lure of the sale has other victims too. There are those that are flopping and rolling and gently resting on the beds around me. I have to be careful not to rush these gentler folk. You also have to imagine that my girls have found the bunkbeds and the car stroller and are only just not causing mayhem. They also found the controls to the vibrating temperpedic bed. (Spelling of that was optional). How do people sleep on a bed that vibrates anyway? It was beyond me - that flop was 10 seconds.
So, after trying all the beds and sampling a fair few pillows, it became blatently obvious. Flopping to best sample the beds is an art form. There are many shapes and sizes. Some push the envelope of comfort while others barely cause a ripple on the mattress. But, it is something that everyone does.
Oh and yes, the sales lady won. I ordered that bed. You know, the one with the most expensive price tag. I always seem to have expensive taste and this was no exception. Bye bye tax return...
Of course, that was the game of the day. I have been so sick and tired of sleeping on the same sagging mattress that I finally decided to bite the bullet and divert into the Brick. As I walked in, there was the magical red and white signs that annnounced the Sale. Oh the lure of the Sale. Everything was on sale for an inventory blow out.
In my mind, for an instant, I was sticking with the game plan of research. I was going to sample the mattresses to get a sense of what I wanted and then price shop. Ok, I had already done a lot of that online but still...I was going to sensible. Arriving at the Sleep department with all the mattresses, I flopped backwards onto the mattress that I thought I wanted. Flop, bounce, groan. That will never do.
The sales lady comes over and points me in the direction of the most expensive mattress on the floor. To humor her, I wandered over to the Trump mattress deluxe, turned and flopped. Squish, roll, pillowy comfort...I don't want to move. Oh she wins! No, I must price compare and shop sensibly. I dragged my reluctant self off the bed and proceeded to sit and bounce on all the beds. Ones that were possible got another sample flop.
You have to imagine that the lure of the sale has other victims too. There are those that are flopping and rolling and gently resting on the beds around me. I have to be careful not to rush these gentler folk. You also have to imagine that my girls have found the bunkbeds and the car stroller and are only just not causing mayhem. They also found the controls to the vibrating temperpedic bed. (Spelling of that was optional). How do people sleep on a bed that vibrates anyway? It was beyond me - that flop was 10 seconds.
So, after trying all the beds and sampling a fair few pillows, it became blatently obvious. Flopping to best sample the beds is an art form. There are many shapes and sizes. Some push the envelope of comfort while others barely cause a ripple on the mattress. But, it is something that everyone does.
Oh and yes, the sales lady won. I ordered that bed. You know, the one with the most expensive price tag. I always seem to have expensive taste and this was no exception. Bye bye tax return...
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Hooliganting: NO SASS CAMPAIGN
Hooliganting: NO SASS CAMPAIGN: "Just in case you needed a reason to feel better about your parenting skills, I thought I would open the door to the latest drama unfolding i..."
NO SASS CAMPAIGN
Just in case you needed a reason to feel better about your parenting skills, I thought I would open the door to the latest drama unfolding in our household. In this house, there are girls. Where there are girls, you get more girls playing and hanging out. These girls have the odd boy that either voluntarily or is voluntold to play nicely with the aforementioned girls. The children are everywhere these days. In their rooms, in the basement, out on their bikes, at the schools, at dance and everywhere.
The activity level is great. They are running full tilt and expending all their energy. They are doing well at school for the most part and have friends that they love to play with. And all is well for awhile, but then....they start to talk. The conversations are invariably telling someone how to play their toy, what to do next in a game or how to feel in any given situation. I realize that they believe that they are the centre of the universe because well, that is just being a kid. The problem is when they all want to be the centre of the universe at the same time.
I have an issue. We have reached the stage when the parents are not necessarily the first point of command. We have reached the age when they have learned to modulate the tone of voice in such as way as we get the singsong taunts and stubborn repetition of information in order to make sure that they are heard. What they haven't figured out yet, is that if they are heard, they all get in trouble...in spades.
Today's numerous taunts, tattles, discussions, comments or however else you want to describe the information that was both spoken directly to me or around me, or within earshot of me, had me dealing with each issue as it came along. The result being the now official NO SASS CAMPAIGN. This means that I have power to take away treats, enforce extra homework and make life the exact opposite of what they want to do as it suits me. This much, they understand.
The issue is the next comment that came from my 8 year old. "But mom, I wasn't talking sass. All day I have been using my nice voice and polite voice. You just weren't listening." I reviewed all the incidents and she argued in each case that she wasn't taunting. It sure sounded different to me. So, now we are going to have to work on tone and inflections in a child that honestly doesn't seem to get the concept in the first place.
I am thinking that I might have just started a losing campaign. It will cost much time, energy and patience. It is going to mean careful listening and constant rephrasing. Oh what have I done? I am already stressed and panicking about it. To make matters even more complicated....we are surrounded by children that insist that fair play is involved. So, this means all kids will have to have the same implications. I foresee writing nice comment cards in my future. My head is in my hands and I am alternating between chuckling and groaning in despair.
For those that want to know: Rules of the No Sass Campaign
1) Thou shalt not taunt, tease or disrespect thy elders, friends or other people near you.
2) Thou shalt apologize once for any infraction caused to someone else.
3) Thou shalt accept an apology without fuss the FIRST time.
4) Thou shalt not argue with thy parent.
5) Thou shalt accept that if thy parent has not answered you right away, that they have the right to think about their answer. You don't get to ask again.
6)Thou shalt not ask the same question of both parents. Rephrasing is still reasking.
7) Thou shalt accept that other people get to be the boss in games sometimes. If no cooperation ensues, a boss timetable operated by a parent will be enforced.
8) If you are rude and sassy, you will lose privileges. It will always be the best thing that the parent can think of.
9) Thou shalt accept that parents don't like homework either. The more you complain, the less we like it and the longer it lasts. We will reward quickly completed homework. Bed follows long homework sessions immediately, no exceptions. (This also means no snack).
10) Parents reserve the right to put any other responsible adult in charge who also have the right to implement the above rules.
Qualifier: These rules have ALWAYS existed...we are just tired of repeating the verbal version of this!
Now, if only they could read....Sigh
The activity level is great. They are running full tilt and expending all their energy. They are doing well at school for the most part and have friends that they love to play with. And all is well for awhile, but then....they start to talk. The conversations are invariably telling someone how to play their toy, what to do next in a game or how to feel in any given situation. I realize that they believe that they are the centre of the universe because well, that is just being a kid. The problem is when they all want to be the centre of the universe at the same time.
I have an issue. We have reached the stage when the parents are not necessarily the first point of command. We have reached the age when they have learned to modulate the tone of voice in such as way as we get the singsong taunts and stubborn repetition of information in order to make sure that they are heard. What they haven't figured out yet, is that if they are heard, they all get in trouble...in spades.
Today's numerous taunts, tattles, discussions, comments or however else you want to describe the information that was both spoken directly to me or around me, or within earshot of me, had me dealing with each issue as it came along. The result being the now official NO SASS CAMPAIGN. This means that I have power to take away treats, enforce extra homework and make life the exact opposite of what they want to do as it suits me. This much, they understand.
The issue is the next comment that came from my 8 year old. "But mom, I wasn't talking sass. All day I have been using my nice voice and polite voice. You just weren't listening." I reviewed all the incidents and she argued in each case that she wasn't taunting. It sure sounded different to me. So, now we are going to have to work on tone and inflections in a child that honestly doesn't seem to get the concept in the first place.
I am thinking that I might have just started a losing campaign. It will cost much time, energy and patience. It is going to mean careful listening and constant rephrasing. Oh what have I done? I am already stressed and panicking about it. To make matters even more complicated....we are surrounded by children that insist that fair play is involved. So, this means all kids will have to have the same implications. I foresee writing nice comment cards in my future. My head is in my hands and I am alternating between chuckling and groaning in despair.
For those that want to know: Rules of the No Sass Campaign
1) Thou shalt not taunt, tease or disrespect thy elders, friends or other people near you.
2) Thou shalt apologize once for any infraction caused to someone else.
3) Thou shalt accept an apology without fuss the FIRST time.
4) Thou shalt not argue with thy parent.
5) Thou shalt accept that if thy parent has not answered you right away, that they have the right to think about their answer. You don't get to ask again.
6)Thou shalt not ask the same question of both parents. Rephrasing is still reasking.
7) Thou shalt accept that other people get to be the boss in games sometimes. If no cooperation ensues, a boss timetable operated by a parent will be enforced.
8) If you are rude and sassy, you will lose privileges. It will always be the best thing that the parent can think of.
9) Thou shalt accept that parents don't like homework either. The more you complain, the less we like it and the longer it lasts. We will reward quickly completed homework. Bed follows long homework sessions immediately, no exceptions. (This also means no snack).
10) Parents reserve the right to put any other responsible adult in charge who also have the right to implement the above rules.
Qualifier: These rules have ALWAYS existed...we are just tired of repeating the verbal version of this!
Now, if only they could read....Sigh
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Hooliganting: Weighted Issues
Hooliganting: Weighted Issues: "It is a reflective mood that I am in currently. You see, I am one of those women. You know the kind. Alway curvy, always wobbly in some of t..."
Weighted Issues
It is a reflective mood that I am in currently. You see, I am one of those women. You know the kind. Alway curvy, always wobbly in some of the right places and definately a few wrong ones. I have a love affair with chocolate as the ultimate feel good until it gravitates to my tummy and stays put forever.
I am one of those women. The kind that hates the image in the mirror and stubbornly decided to do something about it. I joined weightwatchers and began to truly monitor what it was that I was eating. Several shocks and some calorie calculations later, I have managed to create a reasonable eating regime that has had the benefit of not making me gain more wobbles.This woman also continued to work out at the Gym. Boot Camps, Step Classes, Functional Fitness, Swimming - I do it all. Add to that, three dance classes a week and still I have plenty left to shimmy with. Lots of points that should have a point.
There is the memory work and the challenges of scheduling. There is the constant battle with the want to have over the should have. Even with supportive friends, the fun seems to have gone out of food and exercise. Maybe it is this time of year. The stress of year end show and having to be stage perfect and feeling anything but. The memory work is supposed to feel like accomplishments. I am sure of it.
So, tommorrow starts another week. I have to do it all again, and again....and again. Today is the day, that the weight feels like too much work and effort.
Maybe I should just accept that today, I am OK, wobbles and all. Yes, I was frustrated tonight and more than a little stressed. But who really cares if I did it right? Who cares if I look odd? I think today - I am going to revert to my three year old debut and sit in the middle and watch. Today is the day that I want to be just like you. Today is the day that I am going to say to hell with it and just be me.
I am one of those women. The kind that hates the image in the mirror and stubbornly decided to do something about it. I joined weightwatchers and began to truly monitor what it was that I was eating. Several shocks and some calorie calculations later, I have managed to create a reasonable eating regime that has had the benefit of not making me gain more wobbles.This woman also continued to work out at the Gym. Boot Camps, Step Classes, Functional Fitness, Swimming - I do it all. Add to that, three dance classes a week and still I have plenty left to shimmy with. Lots of points that should have a point.
There is the memory work and the challenges of scheduling. There is the constant battle with the want to have over the should have. Even with supportive friends, the fun seems to have gone out of food and exercise. Maybe it is this time of year. The stress of year end show and having to be stage perfect and feeling anything but. The memory work is supposed to feel like accomplishments. I am sure of it.
So, tommorrow starts another week. I have to do it all again, and again....and again. Today is the day, that the weight feels like too much work and effort.
Maybe I should just accept that today, I am OK, wobbles and all. Yes, I was frustrated tonight and more than a little stressed. But who really cares if I did it right? Who cares if I look odd? I think today - I am going to revert to my three year old debut and sit in the middle and watch. Today is the day that I want to be just like you. Today is the day that I am going to say to hell with it and just be me.
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