The Gift of Guests: Does Your Welcome Mean It?

Being a person that loves to have people come into my world and space, I like to think that I have the gift of welcoming people into my life. As a born traveller, sometimes I am also the guest into someone else's space. For the past two weekends, I have invaded the space of friends, family and complete strangers. I have appreciated the warm welcomes and the freedom to be myself in their homes. In the past, I have had the experiences of staying with unknown family and then having them come out to visit years later. I've sent family to stay with my friends and their friends have stayed with me.

The world can be an open door, so long as you are willing to see what is on the other side. In New York, I tagged along as a guest of guest. I was the unknown factor in the bachelorette weekend. My role was to have fun, and be company and to be as unintrusive as possible. This is not the time to decide to take over the kitchen or to mess up the bathroom. Instead, it was about creating meaningful memories and sharing the space with as much tolerance for others as you can find. In this, I believe I was successful and you never know, my new aquaintances might just stay at our house one day too.

During this trip, we experienced the methods of how people welcome tourists into their institutions. As a professional tourist in some ways, I feel that this is important. The Tenement House Museum had personable friendly staff that were knowledgable and caring in how they treated their guests. We learned a lot and went back to spend time. At the MET, there was an off duty docent that went out of her way to direct guests, including me, to the temporary exhibition galleries while explaining why she loved various pieces as we went. Contrast that with the rudeness and apathy experienced at the MoMA and you can quickly get a sense of where I would suggest people visit. This is definately a lesson to apply in my own work. At our site, we try to say hello to everyone and be welcoming. We don't always have this perfected, but as staff, I know we are all working on it. There is no such thing as shy in tourism!

Things can get a bit more complicated when visiting family. There is greater freedom to have more interaction on some levels, but there is greater responsibility too. When staying with family, you have to know when to help out and when to stay out of the way. There are the nuances of family dynamics that have to be observed. For example, you cannot expect to walk into a siblings house and expect that their family rules are the same as yours. I would suggest that communication is critical when visiting family. I am never afraid to ask my one sister in law, what I can do to help. Sometimes, the answer is clear and sometimes it doesn't hurt to ask. The key is to not assume the familiar just because you grew up with someone. Ask questions, ask for clarification and be willing to go with the flow. If your family is visiting you, make sure they are aware of any family rules that could come into play, like bedtime routines for children and spacial limitations. Family visits are not meant for arguing; they are meant for enjoyment of spending time together. I was delighted with this last weekend visiting my brother; there was little stress because everyone had a space and was able to be useful and I really got to see how much my nieces are growing up.

 I think the strongest impetutus for this post came from my experience of visiting a church this past weekend. Being a church going soul, I feel that everyone should feel welcomed into the building. Our church has greeters and with my work in children's ministry, I try to ensure that all the new parents are welcomed and know where to find things in our domain. The children and parents need to feel at home. This involves an explanation of restroom locations, classrooms and stairways. It involves explaining our policies regarding the safety of the children in five seconds flat. It means wearing a smile and doing your level best to remember their names, espeically the children. Contrasting this was my experience at the Evangel Chapel this past weekend. They had such dynamic music and a young vibrant church crowd that I was expecting to walk into warm friendly and inviting. Instead, not one person said hello. I wandered the entire building looking for a bathroom for my youngest. No one asked us where we were going, they just looked at us. Then, we found the bathroom only to find the door locked as the lady inside was obviously too important to share the stalls with anyone else. We left, and no one spoke to us. What good is it to have great programs and great speaking if your congregation is unfriendly?

Lessons for Welcoming in my Humble Opinion:
1) Don't open your doors to others unless you are willing to accept them as they are.
2) Be clear in your expectations.
3) Smiles go along way to creating warm and friendly spaces. Say hello!
4) Go with the flow and accommodate the needs of others. Better yet, try to anticipate their needs.
5) If you have a question, ask!
6) Pay attention to the details when visiting someone else. What do you like? Build on that.
7) In someone elses space, be respectful. Rules have reasons and helpful hands make light work.
8) In business, remember that first impressions are hard to reshape. You want repeat clients.
9) Respect cultural differences and be open to new experiences.
10) Always say thank you!