Life is a work in progress. No one is perfect. Not me. Not you. Therefore, we are all walking a journey or a pathway to betterment, whatever that may be. For me, I choose to walk a pathway to betterment that requires self belief, positive thinking, prayer and forgiveness. I should probably add patience to that mix. These are the qualities that I am constantly working on and the easiest to lose sight of for me in times of hardship.
To be truthful, I hate conflict and rows. I am more likely to take the blame for something I didn't do in order to keep the peace. In an argument, I will often say sorry just to make it stop. But there are times when the iniquities and injustice of situations back me into a corner and I want to come out swinging. I hate having words put in my mouth that I didn't say, and I hate seeing others place trust and wholehearted belief into someone that hasn't proven themselves worthy. Sadly, this seems to be a constant frustration that won't end anytime soon.
In my journey, I do my best to be the best mom, best friend, best person that I can be. I taught Sunday School today and talked about responsibility and I think I needed that conversation with my grade 3s today. We talked about bullying, looking out for others, responsible actions at school and at home. The conversation included areas that are grey and how to determine what responsible actions look like when you feel you are going to get into trouble anyway. I don't think it gets any easier as an adult either.
For example, I feel I have a responsibility to those people that I deal with daily. There have been so many small and large disasters from floods, broken boats and cars, dental surgery, ending of school, renovations delayed. You name it, it seems to have been on the agenda this year. I know that there is much to be thankful for but instead, I noticed how stress got to people and I can't say that I am always impressed with the responses. I am doing my best to be positive and constructive but feel unheard so am left wondering what the point is? To say thank you? Is that so hard? To obey instructions? Is that difficult? To give an honest answer to questions? To send parts on time? To call when you say you are going to?
I think I am slightly disillusioned as I built this year up in my own mind as going to be better and more amazing than last year. I had a few glitches last year that I was looking forward to being so last year...and this year...it feels like God has decided that I need more teachable moments. (I am done...really done with these...Job has my sympathy) I know that I am fortunate in my life and have many blessings. I am watching the news in my province with disbelief and just hoping that it ends soon. The whole world seems to have water issues. However, to be honest, this has been a tough year to date - it seems to be one thing after another. Being able to be positive and find the bright side is definitely work, but it needs to be done.
Positive thinking is necessary despite everything. This thinking lets you encourage others and support them. It helps you to find the good in bad situations and it enables you to be able to reach out to others. Whether it is humor or quiet support, a smile can go a long way towards healing. While it is OK to think that things suck, I think it is equally important to be quiet and listen to the words around me. I need to know what everyone is thinking in order to help effectively and be the positive influence that I want to be for me and my circle of people. With that in mind, I am going to choose to hope that people will continue to learn and grow.
Tomorrow is a brand new day with no mistakes in it yet - Anne of Green Gables.
Lets go with that and go to bed.
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