Thinking Positive Despite Negative Feedback: Can You Do It?

Life is a work in progress. No one is perfect. Not me. Not you. Therefore, we are all walking a journey or a pathway to betterment, whatever that may be. For me, I choose to walk a pathway to betterment that requires self belief, positive thinking, prayer and forgiveness. I should probably add patience to that mix. These are the qualities that I am constantly working on and the easiest to lose sight of for me in times of hardship.

To be truthful, I hate conflict and rows. I am more likely to take the blame for something I didn't do in order to keep the peace. In an argument, I will often say sorry just to make it stop. But there are times when the iniquities and injustice of situations back me into a corner and I want to come out swinging. I hate having words put in my mouth that I didn't say, and I hate seeing others place trust and wholehearted belief into someone that hasn't proven themselves worthy. Sadly, this seems to be a constant frustration that won't end anytime soon.

In my journey, I do my best to be the best mom, best friend, best person that I can be. I taught Sunday School today and talked about responsibility and I think I needed that conversation with my grade 3s today. We talked about bullying, looking out for others, responsible actions at school and at home. The conversation included areas that are grey and how to determine what responsible actions look like when you feel you are going to get into trouble anyway. I don't think it gets any easier as an adult either.

For example, I feel I have a responsibility to those people that I deal with daily. There have been so many small and large disasters from floods, broken boats and cars, dental surgery, ending of school, renovations delayed. You name it, it seems to have been on the agenda this year. I know that there is much to be thankful for but instead, I noticed how stress got to people and I can't say that I am always impressed with the responses. I am doing my best to be positive and constructive but feel unheard so am left wondering what the point is? To say thank you? Is that so hard? To obey instructions? Is that difficult? To give an honest answer to questions? To send parts on time? To call when you say you are going to?

I think I am slightly disillusioned as I built this year up in my own mind as going to be better and more amazing than last year. I had a few glitches last year that I was looking forward to being so last year...and this year...it feels like God has decided that I need more teachable moments. (I am done...really done with these...Job has my sympathy) I know that I am fortunate in my life and have many blessings. I am watching the news in my province with disbelief and just hoping that it ends soon. The whole world seems to have water issues. However, to be honest, this has been a tough year to date - it seems to be one thing after another. Being able to be positive and find the bright side is definitely work, but it needs to be done.

Positive thinking is necessary despite everything. This thinking lets you encourage others and support them. It helps you to find the good in bad situations and it enables you to be able to reach out to others. Whether it is humor or quiet support, a smile can go a long way towards healing. While it is OK to think that things suck, I think it is equally important to be quiet and listen to the words around me. I need to know what everyone is thinking in order to help effectively and be the positive influence that I want to be for me and my circle of people. With that in mind, I am going to choose to hope that people will continue to learn and grow.

Tomorrow is a brand new day with no mistakes in it yet - Anne of Green Gables.

Lets go with that and go to bed.

Ramblings of a Mom whose Kids are Growing Up.

Fire. "Mom, this would be so much more entertaining if there was real fire." The dancer with the magic wand on the stage at Circus Terrifico just wasn't catching her attention at all. In good faith, I had bought tickets to see something that I assumed would be like cirque du soleil - just lower key. Instead, it was a ballet with bits of circus thrown in as a back drop. With two kids that dance, you roll with it, but fire? Really? I don't think she got much out of it. However, it was a cute family thing to do together and that is never a bad thing.

The thing is as a parent and a friend, I opt to try and make the most of my opportunities. I love to encourage and experiment and try new things. Cultural events? Sign me up. Sports - lets try that too. Travel someplace exotic or different, absolutely. One of the things that I need to figure out soon is what to do when the girls really don't like something that is by way of an experiment. Left to her own devices, my youngest would have happily walked out of the theatre and only stayed as I suggested that it would be rude to the other viewers and performers on stage to leave midway. When do they get to make their own choices about such things? When is it a better choice to let them opt out? After all, if a movie is terrible we can walk out right away or change the channel. Flip - it is easy.

With the age that the children are at, we are having a lot of discussion about courtesy and respect. We are talking about positive self esteem and trying to celebrate all the good things. That doesn't mean we ignore the bad, but it doesn't become a never ending negative. If there is something that needs a solution, we talk about it and try different methods to fix it. If math is a problem, I will work with you until it is understood. If spelling is an issue, we will add more reading and more practise. If friends are an issue, we talk about behaviours that will encourage friendship. Issues don't mean that you get to have a petty meltdown and go hide in the corner. My eldest especially is the best dramatic sulker ever! She also has the warmest heart and is the most open to loving words of encouragement. My youngest is sassy and pushes people away when she is upset. We sometimes have to struggle to find the core reason as to why she is hiding out, and most of the time, it can be resolved by validating her feelings.

Right now, my eldest has the opportunity to go away for a week to learn about communication and self awareness through a summer camp. The location is 8 hours away and I still have to work that week. I know she is ready to do this work and have some real fun away from me, but how do I find the ability to let her go and stand on her own feet? In some ways - this is the hardest parenting decision yet - but it still seems to be the right one. She will go, be amazing and grow up. I have to let her. (I really don't want to. I want to snuggle my precious girl and keep her home under my eye.) What if the adults pretend to invest in her and don't mean it? What if the kids leave her out? What if she wakes in the middle of the night and there is no one there? What then...? What if she gets sick? Who will be there? (Yes, I am an over protective mess. However, the adults in her world this year have been interestingly amazing on one hand and disappointing on the other.)

My youngest is growing up too fast too. I am no longer required to read stories. In fact, she will read them to me. Her independence is incredible and yet, I miss the days that she would hold my hand or want snuggles at bedtime. I miss singing songs in the bath - she handles her own now. She delights in creative play and dress up but no longer needs me by her side. Sometimes, I revel in the freedom to get stuff done, but others...not so much.

There are so many opportunities to spend time with people and build them up. I am indulging this with my girls as much as possible as they are at that age where I am realizing that I don't have that much more time to shape their thoughts into positive thinking and self confident appreciation of who they are. I am realizing that I can't focus on the foolishness of outside influences and just have to teach them to love themselves where they are at (report cards are the worst/best thing ever?). In addition, there are the opportunities to travel and see and experience life both here and away. I intend to ensure that they know that there is so much more to learn about the world than what is in their own back yard. I love letting them plan and budget for days out. They come up with things that I never would.

Today was a day that I think I chose an under appreciated thing. Lesson learned on both sides, however, it won't stop me from the next one. Peter Pan - we will see you in April as the tickets are already purchased. However, I will be asking for an opinion on the next show or activity. Apparently, the girls are old enough to have a say too.