Do or Do Not...there is no try. With a child being born, you do or do not choose to be a mother. Once the child is born and accepted into your family, that child is yours. For better or worse, that pint sized person is now YOURS. Crazy isn't it?
I am now at year 11.5 on the journey. I have had some epic moments of pure joy and some equal moments of epic despair. I pray constantly for that instruction manual that they were supposed to come with. I live in the moments that take my breath away from the triumphs to the tears. I do get involved in their adventures and activities. Sometimes, I don't. I can be over protective and ache for their moments of despair and I can throw caution to the wind and jump up and down like a loon.
As a mother, I am shaping their lives one moment at a time. For better or worse...and I know it has been both. I think back to my mom and the gifts she gave me in character as well as the moments that I wish had never been. I already know I have some of both. The thing is they are my learning curves and theirs. I do or do not. I am not trying to get it right. I am getting it right. Even when I am wrong I am right as this is the plan for their life that is going to shape them into the women they are meant to be. My faults and what I consider to be failures are lessons for them. My apologies for being wrong demonstrate caring and a willingness to ask for forgiveness. (Like when I forgot to pack a lunch..sigh).
They see me doing the best I can with what I know. They see me taking advice and constantly growing. I think outside the box and they appreciate the quirks. When I get it right with no drama, it is awesome.
What I love best is seeing how their characters are developing. I have an artist that swims, dances and enjoys caring for others. She has a soft heart and strong will that is faith based. I have a musical dancing queen that loves language and science, the nature of things. She is so shy and loves to keep the peace and can't stand it when people are unhappy. They are stubborn and can be moody. Oh the places they will go.
What really comes to mind though is that my girls are who they are not because of me, perhaps in spite of me, but definitely through me and my imperfections. The greatest gift they have is not just me as a mom but all the moms that influence and shape their beings. I am often looking for advice and talking out situations and what ifs. I worry too much...a deadly sin...it negatively impacts my sleep. I adore my common sense talking friends that also mother my kids when I am unavailable. Sometimes, that is meant to be as well.
It takes a community to raise children. I am blessed to have the support of bright, talented, strong minded women who exemplify some amazing qualities that I don't have. They are role models of the best kind.
On the flip side, I hope that I can be that strength for them. When I hear of a mom that is having a rough go, I want to be part of the solution. I don't want to be more of a burden for them. So why is it that some moms feel like they need to bring you down? My children are not perfect. Nor are theirs. I really began writing this trying to encourage a mom that is really struggling to understand how to love her children in the best way possible and is feeling like she is doing it wrong. She isn't. But she feels it so that is real. Trials are put in our path so that we learn and grow to be better. (I hate that part). Instead, I have wound up examining my parenting skills and instead of yelling at myself, I am choosing to encourage myself. Word of encouragement are a love language of mine.
All children are gifts. Every good and perfect gift comes from God, the Father of lights...I believe that. Therefore, even in shadows, they are just fine. I might not have an instruction manual...but I have faith that will guide me and hopefully, what I perceive as awful will turn out in the big picture. I can't wait to see where they go, and who they become.
Being a mom...the never ending journey of faith, hope, and love beyond measure.
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