Failure: Warts and all

Failure. It's a negative word with a whole lot of negative emotion behind it. Mistakes. Good intentions gone wrong. Misunderstood. Didn't try. Not good enough. Not focused. How many times have you heard it? How many times have you experienced it? Are you honest enough to own your own "failures?" Epic fail...it's a term that has come out of my mouth. So, maybe, just maybe, it is time to seriously THINK about it.

I have often said that I do stupid things with good intentions. That unwitting judgment call that I think will turn out positively and comes back with a truck load of hurt feelings and others jumping to conclusions that I never meant. I have experienced it several times and I wind up with my own hurt feelings back. I own those and learn from them. I learn who takes things differently than I do and I learn to apologize and move forward with new growth and understanding. At 42, that isn't any easier than it was at 12. It just happens less often. I have also learned to appreciate the friends in my life that love me "warts and all" who will accept me for who and what I am.

As parent though, this develops differently. I want the best for my kids. Doesn't everyone? I have signed them up for all sorts of activities over the years trying to find things that work for their personalities and fit the schedule and the budget. I get told that my kids are over programmed but I have some solid reasons for that. First, we live north. I can't just tell them to go outside to play in minus a million degrees. They swim and dance so we work the mind, memory and body. My youngest does music and voice as she has shown a strong aptitude for it. My eldest does art for the same reason. The toughest part is that not everyone is good at everything. It seems that the things I really think they would shine at are not even offered here. No track team. No dive team. No syncrhonized swimming.

Add to that, my eldest child continuously takes criticism for a "lack of focus." Her fault (read genetic make-up and escapism here). At 12, she already has issues believing that she is not good enough and that no matter how hard she tries, there will be fault assigned to her. She has been requested not to participate in several activities (soccer, highland dance, less dance, no more music) and recommended to take more art. Have you ever tried to get an art teacher? We have been so blessed by ours but she needs more and it just isn't offered consistently. She tries so hard to please and always seems to fall short of other peoples expectations. Further to that, sometimes she just isn't given the chance because people assume that she will fail without even giving her the chance to try. How damaging is this? And as a parent, how do I support this?

I keep trying to find new avenues for a start. I maintain honest communication with her and let her know where she is succeeding and where people need more from her. I teach her how to manage her "failures" and that is OK to cry. After a wonderful music meeting last night, I gave her the opportunity to choose to try again. *note that I have NO idea what she will decide, but I was delighted to find a music teacher that understood her straight off the bat and made the room safe for her. I show her that I am willing to invest in her, whether her teachers believe in her or not. I tell her to prove them wrong, do her best. I will continue to try and find new avenues for her to be active and creative. I understand that not all learning happens in the classroom. She has a heart of gold and a soul to match. One day, one day soon, I hope that she will realize how much she has to give to her world.

"Failure" comes in other forms too. I see it in my youngest who gets so frustrated and angry when difficult learning opportunities are not perfect the first try. She worries about the imperfections and worries further about people. She struggles to work though it and have faith in her abilities. Comparing herself to others, she feels that she is not "good enough." At 9, how is the pressure acceptable? I ask for her best efforts. We work on tool boxes of reasoning and tool boxes for friendships. She sees herself as the peacemaker and hates conflict so teaching her to understand her relationships is key. Do I get that right all the time. Ummmm...no. Do I understand her all the time? No.

The thing with failure...is that sometimes we have to hit rock bottom in order to learn. It isn't fun, and definately isn't my favorite place to be but somehow, through the bad times, I learn more. I have experiences to share with others. I have new direction and places to go in my world. The best thing that I can do is to learn to change what the word "failure" represents in my world. I need to turn it into an opportunity to do better and to be the best self I can be moving forward. I need to change how that translates to my children so that they can know that being last is OK. That being less than perfect is OK. That their best efforts are indeed, enough. Not everyone can be a star, but everyone, absolutely everyone, better know how to be a good cheerleader and be a good support for those that are stars.

The world without people in it would be meaningless. What good are the mountains and the rivers without animals and people to enjoy them? Life is for living, full and flat out. If you fall, get up? If there is a fire, there will be regrowth. It is how it works and isn't it beautiful? We cry when happy and when sad. Poignency. Let's make failure translate to success. Let's be poignant.

I share this with my children and teach them to be stronger within themselves. They might not be the bright shining stars of their world right now, but I bet you anything they will make adults worth knowing. Just please, give each other a chance and experience the wonderful people that we all are. "Warts and all."

Because you Do or Do Not: Motherhood

Motherhood...Mother's Day...

Do or Do Not...there is no try. With a child being born, you do or do not choose to be a mother. Once the child is born and accepted into your family, that child is yours. For better or worse, that pint sized person is now YOURS. Crazy isn't it?

I am now at year 11.5 on the journey. I have had some epic moments of pure joy and some equal moments of epic despair. I pray constantly for that instruction manual that they were supposed to come with. I live in the moments that take my breath away from the triumphs to the tears. I do get involved in their adventures and activities. Sometimes, I don't. I can be over protective and ache for their moments of despair and I can throw caution to the wind and jump up and down like a loon.

As a mother, I am shaping their lives one moment at a time. For better or worse...and I know it has been both. I think back to my mom and the gifts she gave me in character as well as the moments that I wish had never been. I already know I have some of both. The thing is they are my learning curves and theirs. I do or do not. I am not trying to get it right. I am getting it right. Even when I am wrong I am right as this is the plan for their life that is going to shape them into the women they are meant to be. My faults and what I consider to be failures are lessons for them. My apologies for being wrong demonstrate caring and a willingness to ask for forgiveness. (Like when I forgot to pack a lunch..sigh).

They see me doing the best I can with what I know. They see me taking advice and constantly growing. I think outside the box and they appreciate the quirks. When I get it right with no drama, it is awesome.

What I love best is seeing how their characters are developing. I have an artist that swims, dances and enjoys caring for others. She has a soft heart and strong will that is faith based. I have a musical dancing queen that loves language and science, the nature of things. She is so shy and loves to keep the peace and can't stand it when people are unhappy. They are stubborn and can be moody. Oh the places they will go.

What really comes to mind though is that my girls are who they are not because of me, perhaps in spite of me, but definitely through me and my imperfections. The greatest gift they have is not just me as a mom but all the moms that influence and shape their beings. I am often looking for advice and talking out situations and what ifs. I worry too much...a deadly sin...it negatively impacts my sleep. I adore my common sense talking friends that also mother my kids when I am unavailable. Sometimes, that is meant to be as well.

It takes a community to raise children. I am blessed to have the support of bright, talented, strong minded women who exemplify some amazing qualities that I don't have. They are role models of the best kind.

On the flip side, I hope that I can be that strength for them. When I hear of a mom that is having a rough go, I want to be part of the solution. I don't want to be more of a burden for them. So why is it that some moms feel like they need to bring you down? My children are not perfect. Nor are theirs. I really began writing this trying to encourage a mom that is really struggling to understand how to love her children in the best way possible and is feeling like she is doing it wrong. She isn't. But she feels it so that is real. Trials are put in our path so that we learn and grow to be better. (I hate that part). Instead, I have wound up examining my parenting skills and instead of yelling at myself, I am choosing to encourage myself. Word of encouragement are a love language of mine.

All children are gifts. Every good and perfect gift comes from God, the Father of lights...I believe that. Therefore, even in shadows, they are just fine. I might not have an instruction manual...but I have faith that will guide me and hopefully, what I perceive as awful will turn out in the big picture. I can't wait to see where they go, and who they become.

Being a mom...the never ending journey of faith, hope, and love beyond measure.

Kids: You did WHAT? Why?

After working in the fast paced waterlogged snowmelt one, of a post flood museum, sometimes I find that my brain is tired. I caught myself putting the coffee into the fridge today and knew that perhaps more sleep might be in order. Nonetheless, today was also the day of the dance run. One of those days...

I enjoy children in all their wacky phases, although as you know, I have moments that challenge my perceptions of what children are really like. Over the past couple of weeks, there have been some incredible moments that have pulled on my heart strings and caught my breath. Like the note on my mirror...

"Mommy, what can I get for you today. Hot Water with lemon. Or your lady tea. Check box and writ back on my mirror. Love your dauter." (sic)

That was awesome. Or the thrill that my youngest had when I handed her an American Girl publication on Feelings and dealing with your emotions. I got the largest warm fuzzy and smiles. She even read it aloud in the van.

These are the moments that I treasure.

On the flip side, there are the moments that really make you wonder how it is that you came to be having such a strange conversation. Here are some from the past couple of days that either had me rolling my eyes or howling with laughter. Of course, the expression on my face was grave and serious at the time...

1) Child is practicing dance and turns and kicks sister in the head. Hard. I stare in stunned disbelief and then proceed to administer justice. Text to parents of said siblings and words of chastisement to children.This is an eye roll moment. Can't believe that I am having this conversation. This is followed up by a heart string moment when my eldest creates an art project to make the two in question feel better.

2) My youngest decides to slide down an icy snow bank on her knees and wonders why a) there are holes in her pant knees, b) why she has bruises on her knees and c) why she is soaking wet. Ummm really?

3) Ghosts. Elder "not my kid my kid" decides to ask what a poltergeist is. I explain about ghost theory and the types of ghosts portrayed in literature and film. Younger not my kid my kid from a different family sharply says "there are no such thing as ghosts." Debate ensues...as spirits are portrayed in the Bible as being good Angels or bad spirits which fits in with religious philosophy. Conflict rages between the children while I tried to referee all points of view on well...ghosts, angels, devils and the afterlife...all on a 20 minute drive with 6 children. Peeves from Harry Potter - you are responsible. Wow.

4) Child drops pineapple on floor. Which is worse? To invoke the 5 second rule or wash it? Did I know how much bacteria is in the water? Did I know that the sink was in the bathroom? Do I realize what people do in a bathroom. There are GERMS in there. Ummmm....maybe the muddy floor is better? What do I know? Garbage it was...hunger was better.

Then, you get into the really interesting stuff...the stuff that you never even thought of as it wouldn't make sense to an adult...EVER. Except, once it is explained...it almost does. Note the almost.

1) Storing clean clothes in the laundry basket so that they are easier to find, rather than having to go through the drawers. If I happen to wash them, then they are twice as clean...
                My head hurts on this one.
2) Not bothering to learn how to spell as it won't be important in high school anyway. Isn't that what spell check is for? Math gets the same logic. Insert the word calculator here.
3) Using the school skipping ropes as transportation devices for toys, clothes and ...live cat from floor to floor to save time. Never minding the mess that is made when the baskets tip etc. These same ropes are used for leashes, locks and fort racks, but rarely for actual skipping. Jump Rope for Heart...I don't need anymore skipping ropes in the house. Why? Because we were told to recycle at work and the ropes are being useful.
4) Art projects that require all your baking goods to create pastes, potions and serums. Being expected to sample them is the worst...sigh. Why? To make you have more energy.
5) Cleaning the bathroom with toothpaste to get a minty fresh scent. It cleans teeth so why not toilets? Sit on the seat...I dare you. Why? The cleaning ladies missed a spot.
6) Putting the alarm clock under the bed to muffle the sound so it is not annoying. Why? I need more sleep. The thought of going to bed on time doesn't seem to occur to them.

That is all from the past couple of days that I can remember. Children are delightful but challenging to the imagination. Tomorrow is another adventure. I wonder what I will do then?

Daughter Drama: Sisters

The princesses rise from the curtained softness of slumber each morning. They are beautiful, smart, funny and dramatic. While I love this stage of having them individually, the pair together leads to drama. Friend lead to drama. Activities lead to drama. By the end of the day, I find myself wishing for quiet time.

I am so proud of their accomplishments and love watching them grow. They need love and encouragement. They need kindness and stability. They are both doing things that they never thought possible. The flip side of that is they need discipline and grounding more than they seem to be able to get along.

Why do girls argue and fight about the rules, fairness, and who is allowed to play with whom or what? Why do they constantly seem to be picking battles that no one can win? Some of what we are coping with comes from the age difference, and I get that. Some is coming from that impossible Grade 3 stage. Thank goodness, I am on the second go round with it. (I will be over the moon happy to be done with the awfulness that is Grade 3 girls - they seem to be more hormonal than the 11/12 set). They are refusing to play independently, yet when they play together they fight. If they are along, they are bored. I keep grounding them from electronics and TV in the hopes that their active imaginations reengage.

Now, that brings me to the next challenge. ACK. The imaginations have reengaged. We have baking projects or jumping on the furniture to not touch the floor games. We have water experiments or burned microwaved croissants. There are paintings on the floor and pins in the walls. Of course, in the process of causing mayhem, chaos and disorder, they fight.

Sisters should be friends...shouldn't they?

I thought they would be best friends with each other, enjoy each other and well...like each other. I am so tired of refereeing. I love spending time with them, but often I am finding that we can't spend time together as a family because they fight. I have a special trip planned for them and I dare not tell them yet. They might fight over that ...airline seats, who gets the window, what to pack, who is more responsible and helpful, who is smarter, who is the best at what...CRAZY...

I could write a whole page on the disagreements...

Living for the moments when there is peace in the house is well, what I am doing best. I love when things are going well. I love when they work together and can play for more than an hour. I am finding that the less electronics, the better they interact with their world. I love their acting out of their stories.

How do I encourage more of that?

Tomorrow is a Brand New Day

"Tomorrow is a brand new day with no mistakes in it yet." I have read and re-read these words through the pages of Anne of Green Gables by Lucy Maud Montgomery. I wonder if she knew as she penned these words that they would have impact a hundred years later. I wish I could think that the "thinks I think" (Dr. Suess) and the words I write would have impact positively.

The power of positive thinking got some fine tuning today. In fact, I had to turn to a few folk today for some requested coaching in order to effectively deal with drama. I am amazed at the impact that a few people have in my life and I don't always think they know how appreciated they are.

First stop, to the teachers at the schools. I have bright, challenging and creative children that do not always follow the road well traveled. Today, at parent teacher conference, I discovered my eldest had elected to choose to skip enough practices to be able to spend more time with her friends. Her commitment to choir was less important to her than her friends, which I get, but the way I discovered it...not so good. What I really appreciated though was that two teachers took extra time to help get through to her. They care about the academics but also equally care about her character. After 40 minutes, that also eventually included her report card discussions, she came out with messages of I can and I will learn, play and be my best. The ironic part was that I had gone initially to see her science fair project, which was very well done, to support her in that. The emotional roller coaster of a tweenie to be.

Thinking that I was done with that, it was time to cruise to the other school to get the younger. She chattered about her day and I realized with growing concern and frowns, plus a sick feeling to my stomach that the Grade 3 girls as a whole were at it again. Gangs this time if you please. Seriously? I really don't care so long as kids aren't verbalizing taunts and goading each other into exclusive behavior and/or deliberately getting others into hot water. I started asking some pointed questions and my younger child did what any self-motivated child would do, back pedaled like mad and played the Not ME card. I didn't buy it for a second as where there is smoke...fire surely follows. That meant a careful email to the teacher (no names mentioned) but requesting that someone keep an eye on the tone of voice being used. My younger can be very blunt and sassy and there is no way I am having that. Not more than 10 minutes later, I get the email back that yes, Keelin can have a counselor meeting to learn about tone and yes, the girls will be spoken to about inclusion and respecting all players. The funny thing is that the girls have known each other for years...it feels like a pecking order is being established and that they are vying for position. Crazy.

That wore me out and then we get to the pool. I was stunned again by the girls arguing in the change rooms. There are a lot of Grade 3/4's in the change rooms at that time and I just looked at the spitfires and thought "who needs enemies when you have friends." At that point, I decided to let them go as mine were less involved. The coaches could deal. I took the opportunity to get some coaching on how to cope with temperamental folk while the kids swam back and forth.

Was I really that bad as an 8 year old? It seems to me that I don't remember enough about being 8. I know I was moody and temperamental at 14 but holy smokes, it seems to come early now. And then the older girls try to help and that just seems to make things worse.

Totally worn out mentally, I remembered that we were out of our prescriptions for asthma so off to the drug store we went. This was an opportunity to search for the snow pants that had gone MIA the day before. I had already had a mom look, but the exercise of looking is important too. So, did that and no pants. Came home and no snow pants. Sent Dad down to look and he found the pants. How does THAT happen? Sigh.

And still the day of the crazies wasn't done. Music practice and vocal practice. Resistance is futile (Star Wars?) Art lesson and neighborhood child in the house. Supper cobbled together late. (Burn baby burn) Later bedtime. Lunches are not done and nor is my work. Don't even look at the kitchen. Instead, I am going to take some more time to breathe.

I think the rest of my day will be better spent reading, and when I am needing more advice...this time I am going to my ultimate source: the bible.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

Proverbs 19:20 

Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future.

NO SASS CAMPAIGN: part two

My toes are curled. My lips are chapped from biting them. My head has shook so much that it has shaken the sense nearly out of it (And don't you dare at this point in my day suggest that I didn't have any to begin with....it won't bode well for you.) with the headache just brewing behind the temples. Do you remember the NO SASS CAMPAIGN? I wrote about it two years ago or so.... To refresh your memory, here are the rules of the OMG you don't get to be like that EVER also known as the NO SASS CAMPAIGN!

Rules of the No Sass Campaign
1) Thou shalt not taunt, tease or disrespect thy elders, friends or other people near you.
2) Thou shalt apologize at once for any infraction caused to someone else.
3) Thou shalt accept an apology without fuss the FIRST time.
4) Thou shalt not argue with thy parent.
5) Thou shalt accept that if thy parent has not answered you right away, that they have the right to think about their answer. You don't get to ask again.
6)Thou shalt not ask the same question of both parents. Rephrasing is still reasking.
7) Thou shalt accept that other people get to be the boss in games sometimes. If no cooperation ensues, a boss timetable operated by a parent will be enforced.
8) If you are rude and sassy, you will lose privileges. It will always be the best thing that the parent can think of.
 9) Thou shalt accept that parents don't like homework either. The more you complain, the less we like it and the longer it lasts. We will reward quickly completed homework. Bed follows long homework sessions immediately, no exceptions. (This also means no snack).
10) Parents reserve the right to put any other responsible adult in charge who also have the right to implement the above rules.

Qualifier: These rules have ALWAYS existed...we are just tired of repeating the verbal version of this!

These rules are pretty much still in effect. I think we can also add in a couple more. "If you behave abominably, you will be grounded and have no allowance." "If you refuse to deal with matters yourself, a parent will force a mediation session between you and other child to make both sides at least hear the other point of view." "Don't touch someone else's stuff without permission. Understand that an adult always has permission!"

To me, these rules make sense. I am trying to raise two girls in a community of other girls with other like minded parents. We want our children to be respectful, kind, caring and considerate. We all want them to be the best that they can be through their individuality - and you know they are all uniquely individual. Playing in harmony is positive and encouraged while the tantrums and boss situations are neutralized. In fact, I think all the kids in my circles can sing the NO song. "No crying, no whining, no kicking, no scratching, no biting, no licking, no punching, no dusting, no swearing, no looking etc." in whatever order I remember to sing it in while driving around town.

Anyway, despite the rules, the SASS has resurfaced in a lot of the munchkins. In my 10/11 year old circle, I had to resort to a mediation session today. Both kids were complaining about the same issues in each other. After marching my child to sit around the table with other child and her parents, we got to the bottom of things. They complained about each other and then admitted to hurt feelings and by the time 30 minutes had passed we had a truce and they played together for the rest of the afternoon. Success! Finally! It came to that due to a refusal to accept apologies, a refusal to acknowledge the other point of view and a stubborn streak in both.

In the other age group of 8 year old girls, I am starting to wonder what is influencing their speech. They are talking in a sassy tone constantly and are being very forward in their opinions and back talk parenting. None of this is acceptable. It does not occur to mine that I have a darned good reason for asking her to do her piano practice or homework. She just argues and stomps off and then gets annoyed with me for requesting that she comes back. Then I demand. Then I yell. She then rolls her eyes and snarks. Yep. Really makes interactions tough.

We have tried grounding, no electronics, extra reading and physical removal from situations. We have parented as a community to the best of our abilities and yet the stubborn streak is winning in some cases. I already know that I will not cave on my standards for reasonable behavior, so what is next?

I think I have it. OIL OF OREGANO. It is very very good for you and very very spicy. Sigh - or just keep plugging away at the hair pulling, mind numbing, temple throbbing NO SASS CAMPAIGN: IMPROVED VERSION.

This mom is tired, worn out and coldish but I love my girls and their friends unconditionally. So, I am drawn to the old adage: "This too shall pass."

Dropping the Ball: Oh dear

A few years back, I was strongly advised that I needed to drop the ball once in awhile in order to give others the opportunity to figure out the schedules and planning that are involved in having a family, working and other such things that happen in my world. Being a person that likes to control my own environment, the thought of allowing others to take over the management of my life when I choose to go away for conferences, training or just plain fun can be rather overwhelming. I have to admit that I have got better at it. I don't call to check up on the operational center and I seem to have got to the point that I trust that the girls will get to their nefarious activities on time.

And then...there was this weekend.

So...I have learned some invaluable lessons. Dropping the ball means that sometimes it bounces and rolls away. Not everyone wants to pick up the ball and carry it. It isn't that I want it done my way. Or expect that things will occur exactly as I have planned. My skills in that area are rumored to be unique although I am still trying to work out why. I simply expect the girls to get to their activities, get fed, and homework gets done. Simple right?

Apparently not.

Why is what I do so bizarre? Why is it that I am doing it wrong? When I am home, the schedule flows without too much in the way of hiccups. The only thing that sometimes screws things up is a bit of snow or road construction. I realize that the mishaps of this weekend are my fault. I didn't call to check in, check up or even check out. I had to wish my lovely daughter happy birthday over the phone due to being at a work conference and left the calls to that. I left an excel documented schedule, outlook calendar and a note card cross referenced to the schedules on the fridge. I didn't leave enough information for it to all work. Yet, it is my fault.

Sometimes...it boils down to this. I am allowed time away. It is good for me and the girls. I need work training to stay current in the issues and trends that make my career viable and valuable. There are resources and connections that have to be made in order to pursue further growth and development. I had fun and I learned. I just learned more than I intended to. I leave you with this.

NO SASS CAMPAIGN

Just in case you needed a reason to feel better about your parenting skills, I thought I would open the door to the latest drama unfolding in our household. In this house, there are girls. Where there are girls, you get more girls playing and hanging out. These girls have the odd boy that either voluntarily or is voluntold to play nicely with the aforementioned girls. The children are everywhere these days. In their rooms, in the basement, out on their bikes, at the schools, at dance and everywhere.

The activity level is great. They are running full tilt and expending all their energy. They are doing well at school for the most part and have friends that they love to play with. And all is well for awhile, but then....they start to talk. The conversations are invariably telling someone how to play their toy, what to do next in a game or how to feel in any given situation. I realize that they believe that they are the centre of the universe because well, that is just being a kid. The problem is when they all want to be the centre of the universe at the same time.

I have an issue. We have reached the stage when the parents are not necessarily the first point of command. We have reached the age when they have learned to modulate the tone of voice in such as way as we get the singsong taunts and stubborn repetition of information in order to make sure that they are heard. What they haven't figured out yet, is that if they are heard, they all get in trouble...in spades.

Today's numerous taunts, tattles, discussions, comments or however else you want to describe the information that was both spoken directly to me or around me, or within earshot of me, had me dealing with each issue as it came along. The result being the now official NO SASS CAMPAIGN. This means that I have power to take away treats, enforce extra homework and make life the exact opposite of what they want to do as it suits me. This much, they understand.

The issue is the next comment that came from my 8 year old. "But mom, I wasn't talking sass. All day I have been using my nice voice and polite voice. You just weren't listening." I reviewed all the incidents and she argued in each case that she wasn't taunting. It sure sounded different to me. So, now we are going to have to work on tone and inflections in a child that honestly doesn't seem to get the concept in the first place.

I am thinking that I might have just started a losing campaign. It will cost much time, energy and patience. It is going to mean careful listening and constant rephrasing. Oh what have I done? I am already stressed and panicking about it. To make matters even more complicated....we are surrounded by children that insist that fair play is involved. So, this means all kids will have to have the same implications. I foresee writing nice comment cards in my future. My head is in my hands and I am alternating between chuckling and groaning in despair.

For those that want to know: Rules of the No Sass Campaign
1) Thou shalt not taunt, tease or disrespect thy elders, friends or other people near you.
2) Thou shalt apologize once for any infraction caused to someone else.
3) Thou shalt accept an apology without fuss the FIRST time.
4) Thou shalt not argue with thy parent.
5) Thou shalt accept that if thy parent has not answered you right away, that they have the right to think about their answer. You don't get to ask again.
6)Thou shalt not ask the same question of both parents. Rephrasing is still reasking.
7) Thou shalt accept that other people get to be the boss in games sometimes. If no cooperation ensues, a boss timetable operated by a parent will be enforced.
8) If you are rude and sassy, you will lose privileges. It will always be the best thing that the parent can think of.
9) Thou shalt accept that parents don't like homework either. The more you complain, the less we like it and the longer it lasts. We will reward quickly completed homework. Bed follows long homework sessions immediately, no exceptions. (This also means no snack).
10) Parents reserve the right to put any other responsible adult in charge who also have the right to implement the above rules.

Qualifier: These rules have ALWAYS existed...we are just tired of repeating the verbal version of this!

Now, if only they could read....Sigh