NO SASS CAMPAIGN: part two

My toes are curled. My lips are chapped from biting them. My head has shook so much that it has shaken the sense nearly out of it (And don't you dare at this point in my day suggest that I didn't have any to begin with....it won't bode well for you.) with the headache just brewing behind the temples. Do you remember the NO SASS CAMPAIGN? I wrote about it two years ago or so.... To refresh your memory, here are the rules of the OMG you don't get to be like that EVER also known as the NO SASS CAMPAIGN!

Rules of the No Sass Campaign
1) Thou shalt not taunt, tease or disrespect thy elders, friends or other people near you.
2) Thou shalt apologize at once for any infraction caused to someone else.
3) Thou shalt accept an apology without fuss the FIRST time.
4) Thou shalt not argue with thy parent.
5) Thou shalt accept that if thy parent has not answered you right away, that they have the right to think about their answer. You don't get to ask again.
6)Thou shalt not ask the same question of both parents. Rephrasing is still reasking.
7) Thou shalt accept that other people get to be the boss in games sometimes. If no cooperation ensues, a boss timetable operated by a parent will be enforced.
8) If you are rude and sassy, you will lose privileges. It will always be the best thing that the parent can think of.
 9) Thou shalt accept that parents don't like homework either. The more you complain, the less we like it and the longer it lasts. We will reward quickly completed homework. Bed follows long homework sessions immediately, no exceptions. (This also means no snack).
10) Parents reserve the right to put any other responsible adult in charge who also have the right to implement the above rules.

Qualifier: These rules have ALWAYS existed...we are just tired of repeating the verbal version of this!

These rules are pretty much still in effect. I think we can also add in a couple more. "If you behave abominably, you will be grounded and have no allowance." "If you refuse to deal with matters yourself, a parent will force a mediation session between you and other child to make both sides at least hear the other point of view." "Don't touch someone else's stuff without permission. Understand that an adult always has permission!"

To me, these rules make sense. I am trying to raise two girls in a community of other girls with other like minded parents. We want our children to be respectful, kind, caring and considerate. We all want them to be the best that they can be through their individuality - and you know they are all uniquely individual. Playing in harmony is positive and encouraged while the tantrums and boss situations are neutralized. In fact, I think all the kids in my circles can sing the NO song. "No crying, no whining, no kicking, no scratching, no biting, no licking, no punching, no dusting, no swearing, no looking etc." in whatever order I remember to sing it in while driving around town.

Anyway, despite the rules, the SASS has resurfaced in a lot of the munchkins. In my 10/11 year old circle, I had to resort to a mediation session today. Both kids were complaining about the same issues in each other. After marching my child to sit around the table with other child and her parents, we got to the bottom of things. They complained about each other and then admitted to hurt feelings and by the time 30 minutes had passed we had a truce and they played together for the rest of the afternoon. Success! Finally! It came to that due to a refusal to accept apologies, a refusal to acknowledge the other point of view and a stubborn streak in both.

In the other age group of 8 year old girls, I am starting to wonder what is influencing their speech. They are talking in a sassy tone constantly and are being very forward in their opinions and back talk parenting. None of this is acceptable. It does not occur to mine that I have a darned good reason for asking her to do her piano practice or homework. She just argues and stomps off and then gets annoyed with me for requesting that she comes back. Then I demand. Then I yell. She then rolls her eyes and snarks. Yep. Really makes interactions tough.

We have tried grounding, no electronics, extra reading and physical removal from situations. We have parented as a community to the best of our abilities and yet the stubborn streak is winning in some cases. I already know that I will not cave on my standards for reasonable behavior, so what is next?

I think I have it. OIL OF OREGANO. It is very very good for you and very very spicy. Sigh - or just keep plugging away at the hair pulling, mind numbing, temple throbbing NO SASS CAMPAIGN: IMPROVED VERSION.

This mom is tired, worn out and coldish but I love my girls and their friends unconditionally. So, I am drawn to the old adage: "This too shall pass."

NO SASS CAMPAIGN

Just in case you needed a reason to feel better about your parenting skills, I thought I would open the door to the latest drama unfolding in our household. In this house, there are girls. Where there are girls, you get more girls playing and hanging out. These girls have the odd boy that either voluntarily or is voluntold to play nicely with the aforementioned girls. The children are everywhere these days. In their rooms, in the basement, out on their bikes, at the schools, at dance and everywhere.

The activity level is great. They are running full tilt and expending all their energy. They are doing well at school for the most part and have friends that they love to play with. And all is well for awhile, but then....they start to talk. The conversations are invariably telling someone how to play their toy, what to do next in a game or how to feel in any given situation. I realize that they believe that they are the centre of the universe because well, that is just being a kid. The problem is when they all want to be the centre of the universe at the same time.

I have an issue. We have reached the stage when the parents are not necessarily the first point of command. We have reached the age when they have learned to modulate the tone of voice in such as way as we get the singsong taunts and stubborn repetition of information in order to make sure that they are heard. What they haven't figured out yet, is that if they are heard, they all get in trouble...in spades.

Today's numerous taunts, tattles, discussions, comments or however else you want to describe the information that was both spoken directly to me or around me, or within earshot of me, had me dealing with each issue as it came along. The result being the now official NO SASS CAMPAIGN. This means that I have power to take away treats, enforce extra homework and make life the exact opposite of what they want to do as it suits me. This much, they understand.

The issue is the next comment that came from my 8 year old. "But mom, I wasn't talking sass. All day I have been using my nice voice and polite voice. You just weren't listening." I reviewed all the incidents and she argued in each case that she wasn't taunting. It sure sounded different to me. So, now we are going to have to work on tone and inflections in a child that honestly doesn't seem to get the concept in the first place.

I am thinking that I might have just started a losing campaign. It will cost much time, energy and patience. It is going to mean careful listening and constant rephrasing. Oh what have I done? I am already stressed and panicking about it. To make matters even more complicated....we are surrounded by children that insist that fair play is involved. So, this means all kids will have to have the same implications. I foresee writing nice comment cards in my future. My head is in my hands and I am alternating between chuckling and groaning in despair.

For those that want to know: Rules of the No Sass Campaign
1) Thou shalt not taunt, tease or disrespect thy elders, friends or other people near you.
2) Thou shalt apologize once for any infraction caused to someone else.
3) Thou shalt accept an apology without fuss the FIRST time.
4) Thou shalt not argue with thy parent.
5) Thou shalt accept that if thy parent has not answered you right away, that they have the right to think about their answer. You don't get to ask again.
6)Thou shalt not ask the same question of both parents. Rephrasing is still reasking.
7) Thou shalt accept that other people get to be the boss in games sometimes. If no cooperation ensues, a boss timetable operated by a parent will be enforced.
8) If you are rude and sassy, you will lose privileges. It will always be the best thing that the parent can think of.
9) Thou shalt accept that parents don't like homework either. The more you complain, the less we like it and the longer it lasts. We will reward quickly completed homework. Bed follows long homework sessions immediately, no exceptions. (This also means no snack).
10) Parents reserve the right to put any other responsible adult in charge who also have the right to implement the above rules.

Qualifier: These rules have ALWAYS existed...we are just tired of repeating the verbal version of this!

Now, if only they could read....Sigh