From trying to not get that horrible cold, to trying to get the things on the list that my mother sent me, plus ensuring that there is enough food in the house to feed all the folk that are coming to stay/visit, it was hectic. Add in a trip to the bottle depot so that school commitments are met and a trip to MacDonald Island waterpark so that the children can burn off some energy and have fun, and we had a full day! The funniest part was how my littlest turned up her nose at the smell in the recyling. I wonder what she thought it would smell like? I suppose I won't find her drinking beer any time soon. That might be a good thing.
Christmas is being relentlessly fast in its approach. I don't feel organized despite having my tree up for ages. I don't feel like I know what is expected of me nor do I much care at the moment. I do know what I expect. I guess that is something. I also know what I want...excluding the Milk Frother as my lovely friend already got that for me for Christmas and made me open it early...
I want to be able to enjoy my Christmas. I want to spend it with people that think that my existance is worth something and actually give a damn. Respect and honor my requests with responses that are honest and from the heart. If no is an answer...that is ok...Answering no to "please clean your room before Nana gets here" might be honest, but is not acceptable after three days of asking. Getting your sister to do it for you is also not an option. Cancelling Santa's visit was an option and a phone call was made. Once the room was clean, I called him back. So we will see what happens on that front. I digress. I would like to have children that are happy and healthy, getting along with each other. I would like to have friends around me that love and support me despite my flaws. After all, no one is perfect. I want to be able to enjoy having my mother here for Christmas without having her distressed over the chaos that I will inevitably create. I would love to have a nice dinner without me burning the kitchen or setting something on fire. Ok...maybe a candle or two...but that's it.
What I don't want is the fighting and the arguing that this season seems to generate. I don't want the greed or the hypocrasy. Quite frankly, there have been enough people stomping on my feelings lately and making the world all about them. I am not you...or you...or the person that you think I ought to be...I am me. Once again, I find myself saying that if you don't like me...don't pretend. I am fine, thank you. I will give until I have nothing left. I will support and help and love you all.
I will also put my boundaries in place and take time for what I need. I need mediation time. I need quiet. I need happy thoughts. I need to have Christmas that is about Christian worship. So...with that...I am making a decision to do what I need to have done.
My house won't be perfect, but the door is open.
My heart isn't perfect, but the door is open.
My head isn't perfect, but the door is open.
My arms aren't perfect, but they will hug you.
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